Blog: Expectations

THE RESENTMENT BOX-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: June 10, 2024

We want to be nice girls so we stuff our feelings, paste on a plastic smile and carry on. Inwardly the heart churns and toxic fumes accumulate as we drink our own poison hoping the other person will die.  Resentment is the number one killer of relationships, especially marriages. I consider myself an expert on this topic as I learned how to recognize and survive this toxic crisis in my first marriage.  I recall how each time I felt resentment, I wanted to pick up a rock and throw it toward my enemy.  But because I tried to have harmony in the home I hid the rock (my anger) and put it into a pretty little imaginary box where it would be nice and safe. I was clueless about the dangers of ultimate explosions. I did not know that resentment was: Feeling heartbroken after exerting a great deal of effort…

Posted in: accusations, adversity, angry, Anticipation, anxiety, ask God, Assumptions, betrayal, confront conflict, disappointments, do the hard work, don't give up, Expectations, faulty thinking, Finding Truth, forgive one another, frustrations, grit, healing, honest, Hope, messes, Offenses, Overcoming Struggles, power of words, relationships, Resentment, set free, shame, take care of your heart, Tension, trouble, Understanding each other, worry

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HOW DO WE SPELL LOVE?-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: February 10, 2024

It’s the love month and I wonder how many of us are getting it right. I love what Rick Warren says in best selling book, “What on Earth Am I Here For?” He gets it right by quoting that the way to spell love is T.I.M.E. We can always earn more stuff, but we can never earn more time. One of life’s greatest regrets is: I wish I had spent more time with the people I love. Our restless nature craves to be understood, accepted and loved. But many have lost their way and are looking for fulfillment in all the wrong places. Here are 4 ways to recapture and recalibrate our precious time. T – TAKE TIME TO LOOK UP AND DIG DOWN It’s time to lay down our technology, look into each other’s eyes and engage in intimate, honest and meaningful conversations.  We must dig behind words and…

Posted in: Best friends, Boring marriage, Communication, companionship, expect the best, Expectations, Friendship, happiness, honesty, Intimacy, joy, love, make time for each other, Power of the Tongue, relationships, we need each other

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REBUILDING TRUST-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: November 9, 2023

It feels like we’ve lost trust the last few years. Trust in our relationships, workplaces and churches. Because I’m a curious person I’ve felt this for some time and it was affirmed to me in the last Global Leadership Summit in October of this year. Craig Groeschel, pastor of Life Church hit it out of the park with his opening keynote session on trust.  It gripped my heart as he affirmed what I’ve been feeling for some time. The loss of trust. I think most of who listened to this nodded as well. He said that to rebuild trust we need: transparency + empathy + consistency=trust. Wow that hit me. Over the past few years it seems we’ve split into camps through Covid, politics, the state of the world and our daily interactions. I think one thing missing out of that formula is TIME. We need to make time to…

Posted in: adversity, ask question s, ask questions, authentic, betrayal, Communication, companionship, confront conflict, consistency, Differences, empathy, Expectations, Friendship, honesty, Listening, trust, Understanding each other, unity, vulnerable, walk in my shoes

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Is That a “Should” on your “Shoulder?”-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: August 21, 2023

If you knew you only had thirty days to live, what is one thing in your life that you would stop right now?” This provoking question started a lively discussion amongst my group of friends. After much animated banter, one main theme came into focus; stop the life-sucking “shoulds”out of our daily activities. We agreed that many of us cave into guilt-induced obligations. We are afraid that we will disappoint people or they might not like us. The discussion became livelier as we tried to determine the obligations we needed to let go so that we could enjoy the vibrant, fulfilling life that Jesus came to model for us. There is one prevailing statement I hear these days: “I am so tired!”It is a proven statistic that today we sleep 1-1/2 hours less that we did one hundred years ago.[i] More motor vehicle accidents are being reported because both men…

Posted in: anxiety, ask for help, ask God, chaos, Conflict, each day has enough troubles of its own, Encouragement, Expectations, Freedom from Busyness, frustrations, grace, live one day at a time, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, perfectionism, re-evaluate, Say no, should, trust God for today

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FOGGY AND UNCLEAR-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: January 15, 2023

Some days life feels like this doesn’t it? Immersed in fog, without clarity and everything seems eerie and quiet. Especially when Covid has hopefully seen it’s last visit, and there are hopes, dreams and expectations for the coming year. How do you find your way? Me? I want to be like the rhinoceros and zebra. Let me explain. I want to be like the rhinoceros and zebra. Rhinoceros – Though there no official statistics on how far a rhino can see, from research it is estimated that they can’t distinguish between a man and a tree at a distance of 20 meters. How is that good? It’s similar to being in a fog, if we can’t see what’s ahead of us, we don’t need to worry. The Bible tells us: “Don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it’s own” (Matthew 6:34). This…

Posted in: accumulate experiences, adversity, Anticipation, anxious, ask God, circumstances, Conflict, darkness, decisions, don't give up, each day has enough troubles of its own, Expectations, Fear, focus, foggy life, frustrations, gloomy days, God's promises, Hearing God, Hope, hurting world, live one day at a time, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, rhinoceros, seasons of darkness, step into the future, trouble, trust, trust God for today, worry, zebra stripes

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Surviving the Christmas Fatigue-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: December 11, 2022

It’s not always the big stuff that can push us over the Christmas edge; sometimes it’s an accumulation of multiple little things that cause fatigue. For example: Saturday I was going to start my Christmas baking of cookies and my never fail butter tarts. But I didn’t check my flour supply and forgot about the corn syrup for the filling. So in the middle of a big mess, with no makeup and without brushing my hair, I’m driving down snowy, slippery roads to my closest store; Wal-Mart. But they were out of corn syrup. So were two other stores.  By the time I navigated all the parking, ran up and down a zillion aisles, stood in line to pay for one item, I’m struggling to keep smiling. Not to mention cancelled events, (for which I prepared) and wall-to-wall people in the mall. Each year I am determined to have a…

Posted in: anger, Anticipation, anxiety, Christmas fatigue, Christmas joy, disappointments, Exit plans, Expectations, Freedom from Busyness, frustrations, Move on, relationships, Resentment, rest, Say no, Simple, Solitude, take care of your heart

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What my Hydrangeas Taught Me-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: August 15, 2022

Something happened to my hydrangea bushes this year. The flowers, which always give me so much joy and delight, this summer they’ve given me pathetic disappointment. But in all this they’re giving me some valuable life lessons. When planted in the right soil and sun/shade, hydrangea bushes are exquisitely beautiful and resilient. When I prune them just right they flourish year after year, and as I dry the flower heads, they add stunning décor to any room in my home. Until they don’t. My two bushes gave me joy for 25 years but were slowly becoming root bound and it was time to dig them out and plant new ones. So I planted new bushes with joyful expectation. But sadly the new bushes are not thriving, instead they look sick and I’m not sure they’re going to make it. I fully believe God gives us examples in His physical creation…

Posted in: 5 things, adversity, beauty and joy, bitterness, crisis, decisions, disappointments, empty soul, Encouragement, Expectations, feeling good, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, fresh joy, frustrations, hydrangea bushes, joy, Overcoming Struggles, pruning, relationships, Resentment, retaliation, satan, take care of your heart, tender soul care, toxic relationships

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What Do I Really Want?-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: September 25, 2020

My three-year-old grandson Austin was bored and hungry.  He opened the pantry door and with a perplexed look stared at all the tempting food.  “Sweetie,” I said, “what do you want?” He kept staring and responded: “I want what I want.” “What is it you want?” I repeated.  He kept repeating: “I want what I want.” I recognized his craving; he wanted something to make him feel better, happier but he wasn’t sure what that would be. Isn’t that like most of us?  We wake up in the morning and we want something to make us happier. We want Covid to be over. Even if life wasn’t perfect, we want it to be back to normal. We want what we want but not exactly sure what that would look like. Just something to make us feel better. More sleep, a better job, more money, happier children, a more attentive husband, a…

Posted in: ask God, Cravings, empty soul, Expectations, feeling good, gift of peace, happy, needs, normal, Overcoming Fear, recapture your joy, troubled hearts, want or need, what is normal

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Growing Old-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: January 19, 2020

I overheard a conversation at a ladies fashion store. It went something like this: Lady in dressing room: “It’s strange, I used to be a size 8 but something in my body has changed.” Store Owner: “Yup you’re right.  Did you know that as we grow older our boobs grow longer, and so do our ears, and noses.” I wasn’t ready for that kind of information and that conversation just about made me fall over. I was shocked to hear of yet more changes I wasn’t prepared for. We applaud and admire youth and beauty. The flawless skin, tight and skinny arms and slim taunt legs. Looking into the mirror when we were 20 we could never have imagined that beautiful, unlined soft skin would one day have wrinkles. It happens. We have no control over it. It’s part of the circle of life. When I was younger I recall…

Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, becoming, care, Christ, Expectations, Freedom, God's love, grace, growing old, happiness, Jesus, joy, laughter, love, love yourself, rest, Valued

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Three Lies that cause Unnecessary Suffering-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: February 12, 2019

I know you can relate when I tell you I’ve caused myself a lot of unnecessary suffering because of lies I believe. For example: Lying awake at night because I made a mistake, did something where I didn’t measure up, said the wrong thing again or misinterpreted a comment.  Imagine what joyful and fruitful lives we could experience by overcoming some of the daily, debilitating lies. We know all our shortcomings and foibles so it’s easy to condemn ourselves.  God’s truth seems so perfect and unreachable. The reality is that we live in a world of truth and lies The list of lies is endless but I will tackle three. This is my personality. Really? Your personality was shaped through all the imperfect script, images, information and your environment. Yes, a large portion of it was passed through your family genes, but God is in the people transformation business. You’re…

Posted in: adversity, angry, ask God, Beauty from the Inside Out, Christ, decisions, disappointment, disappointments, Expectations, Faith, False Belief Systems, faulty thinking, feeling bad, Freedom, God's love, grief, happiness, healing, joy, lies, love, messes, needs, Overcoming Struggles, pain, personalities, pray, self worth, self-esteem, suffering, temporary, Valued

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