Blog: Intimacy

De-Clutter Your Marriage-9 Simple Ways

Posted: October 3, 2016

One of these days I will de-clutter and re-organize my walk in closet. “One of those days” came on January 3 of this year when a portion of the closet broke away from the wall and dumped itself in the middle of the floor. As I sneezed through the attempt to rescue the drywall-covered mess, I came up with a plan. This was my time to rid the closet of all unnecessary clutter. I threw the rest of the clothes on the floor and added to that pile all the “stuff” out of my bins. Then began the ruthless process of de-cluttering and disposing. If I hadn’t worn it in the last 2 years or didn’t like it, it went into the “giveaway” pile. I was shocked to realize how much “stuff” was lurking and cluttering up my life. We Accumulate Unhealthy Habits There are times we need to STOP…

Posted in: Balancing life, Communication, de-clutter, Expectations, finances, frustrations, good conversation, Good Marriage, happiness, Intimacy, messes, Simple, Understanding each other

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Overcoming Resentment

Posted: June 14, 2016

Statistics explain that resentment is the number one killer of marriages. That may seem shocking or surprising but think about it this way. Two people come into an intimate relationship with different personalities, unspoken expectations, various cultural backgrounds and wanting the other person to make them blissfully happy. The silent, toxic killer is the “unspoken expectation.” For example: You’ve had a crushing day at work, gritted your teeth through the traffic jams, picked up groceries on your way and now it’s time to make a healthy family meal. Your husband picked up the children and by the time you arrive home everyone is hungry, tired and crabby.   While you are trying to cook a meal, empty the dishwasher and keep the children happy, your husband is laying back on the recliner checking CNN news and Sports Illustrated. Every time you look over your feel taken for granted, frustrated and angry….

Posted in: communicate, Expectations, Friendship, good conversation, Good Marriage, Harmony, honesty, Intimacy, Listening, Resentment, SEX, true love, Understanding each other

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MY TOP 3 NEEDS

Posted: March 16, 2016

We have needs. We need food to stay alive. Sleep to stay healthy, focused and refreshed. Money to buy necessities. But we also have deep emotional needs that must be met. This is more than our “love languages”; this digs below the surface to see how our needs and love languages marry up. For example, I know my three love languages are: Acts of service, words of affirmation and physical touch. But here is an example of how those are connected with my needs: Acts of Service turn into – “When I ask for help I really need it!” I love it when Jack washes my car or picks up some groceries. Those beautiful, loving gestures respond to my love language. But my NEED is somewhat different. I am a very independent woman and don’t need help very often but when I do ask for it, I really NEED you…

Posted in: Acts of Service, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, companionship, Encouragement, Expectations, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Listening, love, needs, true love, Valued

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THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE- Unlock 5 Smart Things

Posted: November 4, 2015

Many of us have said: “If I knew then what I know now.” But I know I did my best at 30, during the hectic days of spending my days in the car running children to their endless activities. Then at age 40 with teenagers and career. And so on. As the grey hair emerges, shouldn’t all profound wisdom should be right on its heels? But that’s not the case. I love what Maya Angelou says: “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” So now that I am older and smarter what can I unlock to do better? Unlock – Give back to society. I was at a fund raising breakfast this morning where the speaker affirmed something that resonated. “When we contribute back to society our lives are healed and enriched. “ Every day I am more aware that…

Posted in: 5 things, Balancing life, Communication, decisions, Encouragement, Freedom from Busyness, generosity, Good Marriage, happy, Harmony, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, sleep, smart, technology, time, unlock

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12 WAYS TO SHOW RESPECT

Posted: October 3, 2015

I didn’t know. When a husband loves his wife, it compels her to return respect. When a wife respects her husband, it inspires him to love her. This is the perfect formula for a happy marriage. It took me years to figure this out but I testify it to be absolutely true. The bible says it this way: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy…” (Ephesians 5:25). It goes on to say: “…and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). This is a principle that will work in most marriages, because I believe for the most husbands and wives want to extend goodwill and have a happy marriage. It saddens me to see marriages breaking up because of selfishness and a sense of entitlement that says: “He/she is not making me happy and meeting my needs,…

Posted in: Commitment, communicate, companionship, decisions, Encouragement, good conversation, Good Marriage, happiness, happy, Harmony, Intimacy, Listening, Making Wise Choices, power of words, Respect, smile, Uncategorized, Understanding each other

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The K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-Being Vulnerable

Posted: September 5, 2015

Vulnerability. Some men run from it and most women secretly crave it. For some people it leads to anxiety, and if there is shame involved, it can actually plummet to disconnection. But in order to have healthy, vibrant relationships in marriages and friendships we have to be open and vulnerable. This freeing revelation came to me in a comical moment in a fashionable women’s clothing store. I was enjoying the 50% off the last sale price moment when I heard this conversation behind me. One woman said: “I really like it, but it’s too tight on my top. You know I think as I grow older my bust is growing bigger.” Then my head whipped around as I head the sale clerk’s response.” That’s right, they do grow bigger as we get older. In fact the three things on our bodies that keep growing are our busts, noses and ears.”…

Posted in: Communication, Friendship, Good Marriage, honesty, Intimacy, Making Wise Choices, Understanding each other, vulnerability, vulnerable

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A K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – Interruptions

Posted: March 3, 2015

There is one interruption that I know would put a huge smile on my face. Imagine this. It’s my birthday coming up and my husband gives me a simple card and an umbrella. Inside the card it says this. “I hear it rains in Paris at this time of the year.” It would take me but a minute to go down into the basement and get my suitcase. Most interruptions are not pleasant and come at inopportune times and have the possibility to wreck our ideal life. I’m not talking about the little annoyances like running out of gas in the middle of winter or spilling coffee all over your new white shirt. I’m talking about interruptions that change the course of our hopes and dreams. For Instance: One of your unemployed children is moving back home. You just discovered that your spouse is addicted to pornography. Your children are…

Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Commitment, Communication, companionship, Conflict, Encouragement, Finding Truth, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Laughter, Listening, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Peace, pornography, power of words

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A K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-“It’s About Time”

Posted: February 13, 2015

How can we bulletproof our marriages in a culture that is too busy to spend intimate time with the people we love? Rick Warren in his best selling book, “What on Earth Am I Here For?” says that the way to spell LOVE is T.I.M.E. I totally agree! Last weekend I had the privilege and JOY to speak to a group of families with young children about taking TIME to re-connect with our spouses and children. Let me share my points: T. TAKE TIME TO LOOK UP AND DIG DOWN It’s time to lay down our technology; look into each other’s eyes and engage in intimate, honest and meaningful conversation. We also need to dig down behind the words and our emotions to find out what the other person is really saying. For example, when a wife says: “Don’t touch me”, it could mean: “You said you would take out…

Posted in: Balancing life, Communication, companionship, Differences, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith, Finding Truth, Freedom, Freedom from Busyness, Friendship, fUN, God' Love, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Kindness, Laughter, Life of Jesus, Listening, love, Making Wise Choices, Pain Pleasure, Patience, Peace, Pleasure, power of words, Resentment, self gratification

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THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-“Stuff Managers”

Posted: January 24, 2015

Let’s be honest, most of us are “stuff managers”. We go to work in the morning to make money to buy stuff. Then when we bring it home we have to find a place to put this stuff. When there is no more room, we put our stuff into plastic containers with labels on them and find room in the basement or the garage to store this stuff. Or, we might have to dig through our existing stuff so we can give it away to make room for more stuff. Or, we might have to rent a storage container or locker room to store our stuff. Often times we don’t even know what stuff to use; should we use our golf clubs, kayak, boat, swimming pool, bikes, motor home or just sit at home and linger on the deck? Or should we sit down with our day timers or phones…

Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Encouragement, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Understanding each other

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THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE –Praying Together

Posted: January 4, 2015

Prayer is the most uncomfortable yet powerful topic for marriages.  I know it’s uncomfortable because every time I bring it up at any marriage teaching session or marriage mentoring, the room falls silent. Yet prayer is the most powerful source we have in our marriages to create intimacy, receive healing and find hope and peace in our tumultuous lives. What is it that is holding us back from embracing this supernatural FREE power that, reluctantly we know, will save most marriages? When Jack and I got married 18 years ago, we instantly became parents of a large blended family of 5 children and many grandchildren. They all lived away from us and we are smart enough to know that families run into difficulties, stresses, illnesses and they need help.  But living so far away from everyone we could not be there to help them. Jack and I made a deliberate…

Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Expectations, Finding Truth, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pleasure, power of words, Prayer, Uncategorized, Understanding each other

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