Blog: Expectations

Learning To Live Alone-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: October 7, 2019

Living alone is hard, especially if you’ve always had someone by your side for a long time. Your body is jarred when your heart is exploding with joy and no one at home to share it with. Or, an unexpected bill arrives in the mail and now it’s up to you to handle it. You need to turn on the irrigation but don’t know where the knobs are, or you need to learn how to barbecue or change the filter in the furnace. In the almost three years of living alone, I’ve overcome all those frustrations and solitary adventures, but the aloneness is always there. I’m facilitating a group called Grief Share, where once again I’m confronted with the reality of people learning how to live alone. Some for the first time after fifty or sixty years. I ache for them and cry for them because this is hard. Now…

Posted in: alone, ask God, Christ, companionship, decisions, empty chair, Encouragement, Expectations, feeling good, friends, Friendship, happiness, havens, homes, hospitality, laughter, loneliness, Overcoming Struggles, pray, recapture your joy, relationships

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When Is It A Deal-Breaker?-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: September 8, 2019

We don’t like lying, broken promises or unmet expectations. It’s hurtful, unfair and we feel betrayed. And it’s not nice or right. I know of a married couple that got a divorce because he broke the deal. The agreement was that if the wife had to pitch in and help with alimony payments, the marriage was done. That ended the marriage. Now they’re onto their third attempt for happiness. I also know of parents that have lied to their children, and it’s hard for the family to move on because trust has been broken. This hurt is justified and the human response is to withdraw and resist. But is this a deal-breaker? I often wonder the same thing. When we write/text encouragement and love notes and there is never a response. Do we continue? Is the “non-response” a deal breaker? When something gets too needy and tiresome or we feel over-burdened,…

Posted in: anger, betrayal, Christ, Conflict, deal-breaker, disappointments, emotional abuse, Expectations, Forgiveness, God's love, Jesus, love, physical abuse, sexual abuse, trust

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My Resentment Box-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: June 23, 2019

We want to be nice girls so we stuff our feelings, paste on a plastic smile and carry on. Inwardly the heart churns and toxic fumes accumulate as we drink our own poison hoping the other person will die.  Resentment is the number one killer of relationships, especially marriages. I’m a beaten up expert on this topic as I learned how to recognize and survive this toxic crisis in my first marriage.  I recall how each time I felt resentment, I wanted to pick up a rock and throw it toward my enemy.  But because I tried to have harmony in the home I hid the rock (my anger) and put it into a pretty little imaginary box where it would be nice and safe. I was clueless about the dangers of ultimate explosions. I did not know that resentment was: Feeling heartbroken after exerting a great deal of effort…

Posted in: Communication, Conflict, confront conflict, decisions, Expectations, faulty thinking, Forgiveness, Friendship, grief, happy, honest, intimacy destroyer, listen, Making Wise Choices, personalities, Resentment, suffering, Tension

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Self-Compassion or Selfishness? – by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: January 13, 2019

In our present “me first” generation how do we separate selfishness from self-compassion? Haven’t our last few decades erupted with some self-entitled children, and a society that is enamoured with happiness at all costs? Where did we go wrong? After all, the only thing we wanted was a happy life and happy children with solid self-esteem. Too often we felt the pain of disappointment and failure and wanted to protect our children from experiencing those devastating feelings at all costs.  So everyone wins.  Everyone gets a trophy.  Yayy, you’re a winner and entitled to feel that way. We’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy again. But, this creates selfishness. Yes, it’s extremely important how we play the game, but the fact remains that life is also about losing. We have to learn to lose, to feel rejected and disappointed. We don’t always get our way, everyone doesn’t always…

Posted in: disappointment, Expectations, fulfillment, God's love, happiness, happy, loneliness, love, perfection, relationships, self worth, Self-compassion, self-esteem, selfishness, suffering, vulnerable

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Why It Takes Grit to Hope-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: January 28, 2018

  We all know the searing pain of disappointment. I was nine when I experienced the raw feeling of being forgotten. Left on the side of the road by my older cousins while they spent the day at the fairgrounds. My tender, young heart never forgot that horrible, no good day, and disappointment became a reality that turned into a false belief. It felt cruel to disappoint my own children or friends. Most of my adult life it felt like I was skating on thin ice to protect others and myself from disappointment. So what happens when you become a Christian and put your hope in a loving God? When life doesn’t work out. Or, in fact when life hits you in the gut? One of my words for 2017 was HOPE. It was the year where I needed something good to happen. I was in deep grief, crushed, physically…

Posted in: disappointment, Expectations, False Belief Systems, grit, Heavenly Father, Hope, Prayer, victory

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Building Authentic and Loving Relationships

Posted: January 23, 2017

Since my last blog post I’ve had many women ask: “So Heidi, how do we build those loving and authentic friendships and relationships”? This past week I spent a delightful evening with one of my tribes and I posed that very question. The next hour was filled with honest and engaging conversation. Here are 7 basic tips we came up with: Know Yourself. Our soul must be nurtured to be healthy and strong so that we can overcome jealousy, offenses and negative situations. If we foster a victim mentality eventually we will feel disappointed, hurt, rejected and move onto what we think will be something better. Often times the best friendship is right under our nose but we don’t take the time to cultivate it. Our foremost and vital relationship is with God who is the only One who can grow us into the people He designed us to be….

Posted in: authentic, Expectations, Forgiveness, Friendship, loneliness, personalities, relationships, shame, time, vulnerable

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A Home Called Harmony

Posted: December 2, 2016

My beloved Jack McLaughlin wrote this blog for me in November, 2014. He died November 15, 2016 leaving a powerful legacy of building a blended family  which he called: “a home called harmony.” Today I want to honour him by showing the world that Jack not only wrote these words, he lived them with honesty, passion and love. Through 48 years of consisting of 2 marriages, I have learned the significant part that husbands have in alleviating family stress and tension and promoting peace and harmony. It simply requires that a man step up to be proactive, rather than withdrawing and isolating himself from what goes on in the home I experienced a very positive example of this several years when my wife Heidi and I were invited to spend a weekend with a couple and their three children. We looked forward to the visit with keen anticipation of a weekend…

Posted in: Expectations, Families, Harmony, home

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De-Clutter Your Marriage-9 Simple Ways

Posted: October 3, 2016

One of these days I will de-clutter and re-organize my walk in closet. “One of those days” came on January 3 of this year when a portion of the closet broke away from the wall and dumped itself in the middle of the floor. As I sneezed through the attempt to rescue the drywall-covered mess, I came up with a plan. This was my time to rid the closet of all unnecessary clutter. I threw the rest of the clothes on the floor and added to that pile all the “stuff” out of my bins. Then began the ruthless process of de-cluttering and disposing. If I hadn’t worn it in the last 2 years or didn’t like it, it went into the “giveaway” pile. I was shocked to realize how much “stuff” was lurking and cluttering up my life. We Accumulate Unhealthy Habits There are times we need to STOP…

Posted in: Balancing life, Communication, de-clutter, Expectations, finances, frustrations, good conversation, Good Marriage, happiness, Intimacy, messes, Simple, Understanding each other

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Respect: 12 Examples for Happiness

Posted: August 13, 2016

After 30 years of being married I finally learned that respect is a husband’s greatest need.  Finally, I found the perfect formula for a marriage and of course, it’s in the Bible: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy…” (Ephesians 5:25). It goes on to say: “…and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). If this simple but challenging principle is lived out, especially during difficult seasons, it is a sound solution for a happy marriage. It saddens me to see marriages breaking up because of selfishness and a sense of entitlement that says: “He/she is not making me happy and meeting my needs, and I don’t want to be married anymore.” First of all, we are the only one responsible for our happiness. It  will astound us that when we show respect to our husbands the…

Posted in: communicate, companionship, decisions, Expectations, Friendship, fulfillment, Good Marriage, happiness, Harmony, Making Wise Choices, power of words, Respect, Understanding each other

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MY TOP 3 NEEDS

Posted: March 16, 2016

We have needs. We need food to stay alive. Sleep to stay healthy, focused and refreshed. Money to buy necessities. But we also have deep emotional needs that must be met. This is more than our “love languages”; this digs below the surface to see how our needs and love languages marry up. For example, I know my three love languages are: Acts of service, words of affirmation and physical touch. But here is an example of how those are connected with my needs: Acts of Service turn into – “When I ask for help I really need it!” I love it when Jack washes my car or picks up some groceries. Those beautiful, loving gestures respond to my love language. But my NEED is somewhat different. I am a very independent woman and don’t need help very often but when I do ask for it, I really NEED you…

Posted in: Acts of Service, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, companionship, Encouragement, Expectations, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Listening, love, needs, true love, Valued

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