Posted: June 23, 2019
We want to be nice girls so we stuff our feelings, paste on a plastic smile and carry on. Inwardly the heart churns and toxic fumes accumulate as we drink our own poison hoping the other person will die. Resentment is the number one killer of relationships, especially marriages. I’m a beaten up expert on this topic as I learned how to recognize and survive this toxic crisis in my first marriage. I recall how each time I felt resentment, I wanted to pick up a rock and throw it toward my enemy. But because I tried to have harmony in the home I hid the rock (my anger) and put it into a pretty little imaginary box where it would be nice and safe. I was clueless about the dangers of ultimate explosions. I did not know that resentment was: Feeling heartbroken after exerting a great deal of effort…
Posted in: Communication, Conflict, confront conflict, decisions, Expectations, faulty thinking, Forgiveness, Friendship, grief, happy, honest, intimacy destroyer, listen, Making Wise Choices, personalities, Resentment, suffering, Tension
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Posted: June 13, 2015
Asking good questions and find truth about other people’s actions is crucial for our happiness. If we harbour faulty accusations of “why” someone did or said something, it can build resentment and destroy a relationship. One of the greatest tools of the enemy (also called the Accuser) is to implant faulty accusations and then divide and conquer. If Satan can destroy our marriages and families, that destruction can filter down into our churches, communities, schools and government. Everywhere. Faulty accusations usually start small, and then take on a life of their own. For example: You tell your spouse you need a new kitchen appliance or a new patio set. His answer is simply “No.” You are annoyed and in your mind you accuse him of being stingy, small minded and uncaring. The next time you are with your girlfriends you tell them how he doesn’t care about your needs. Your…
Posted in: accusations, Assumptions, communicate, companionship, Conflict, Expectations, faulty thinking, Finding Truth, Good Marriage, Harmony, honest, intimacy destroyer, Listening, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Resentment, satan, Understanding each other
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Posted: May 27, 2015
Let’s be honest. When we enter a room full or people, we love it when someone shouts, “Hey Carol, come over here with us. It’s so great to see you!” We feel noticed and valued. Admired and loved. On the contrary, it’s horrible when we stand beside someone who gets all the glory and attention. We go unnoticed. We feel invisible because we are standing in someone else’s shadow. We have to recognize that this also happens in our marriages. Especially these days with husband and wife both juggling careers, staying connected and involved in their community, perhaps competing in athletics or even running their own businesses. We have to make sure competition and recognition says healthy and balanced for both parties. For example: My husband Jack and I both have prominent positions in our community and our country. When we were first married and attended functions where he was…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, communicate, Good Marriage, happy, honest, invisible, recognition, Resentment, self worth, shadow, sun
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