Blog: Expectations

Respect: 12 Examples for Happiness

Posted: August 13, 2016

After 30 years of being married I finally learned that respect is a husband’s greatest need.  Finally, I found the perfect formula for a marriage and of course, it’s in the Bible: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy…” (Ephesians 5:25). It goes on to say: “…and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). If this simple but challenging principle is lived out, especially during difficult seasons, it is a sound solution for a happy marriage. It saddens me to see marriages breaking up because of selfishness and a sense of entitlement that says: “He/she is not making me happy and meeting my needs, and I don’t want to be married anymore.” First of all, we are the only one responsible for our happiness. It  will astound us that when we show respect to our husbands the…

Posted in: communicate, companionship, decisions, Expectations, Friendship, fulfillment, Good Marriage, happiness, Harmony, Making Wise Choices, power of words, Respect, Understanding each other

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MY TOP 3 NEEDS

Posted: March 16, 2016

We have needs. We need food to stay alive. Sleep to stay healthy, focused and refreshed. Money to buy necessities. But we also have deep emotional needs that must be met. This is more than our “love languages”; this digs below the surface to see how our needs and love languages marry up. For example, I know my three love languages are: Acts of service, words of affirmation and physical touch. But here is an example of how those are connected with my needs: Acts of Service turn into – “When I ask for help I really need it!” I love it when Jack washes my car or picks up some groceries. Those beautiful, loving gestures respond to my love language. But my NEED is somewhat different. I am a very independent woman and don’t need help very often but when I do ask for it, I really NEED you…

Posted in: Acts of Service, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, companionship, Encouragement, Expectations, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Listening, love, needs, true love, Valued

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A Valentine Grinch or True Love?

Posted: February 12, 2016

This may shatter your illusion of what I stand for, but I am the “Valentine Grinch”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to steal the love out of Valentines Day, in fact I’m trying to bring it in and set it right. Did you notice? As soon as the Christmas decorations are put away, the stores are covered in red and white. Valentine decorations, cards, trinkets, chocolates and every kind of knicky-knack under the sun cover the shelves of almost every store you walk into. This has nothing to do with love. I’m against the deceptive lure of feeling guilt if I don’t buy into this lavish, expensive and slick marketing ploy. I rebel against paying double the price for flowers and sitting in overcrowded expensive restaurants. Instead, I am all for buying into loving my husband every day of the year. Not out of guilt, but out of…

Posted in: companionship, Expectations, Friendship, gifts, Good Marriage, happiness, Harmony, Listening, love, meaningful, time, true love, valentines

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K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-Untangle the Tinsel

Posted: December 14, 2015

I realize when I talk about tinsel on Christmas trees it’s in the same category as VHS and Pac man. Tinsel holds a special place in my heart because in our home the execution of tinsel had to be done perfectly. No more than three or four strands on the end of each branch, and if you don’t have the patience for that; well then go and finish your apple cider. But we had a dog. A big dog named Brutus! I can’t recall the many times we came home from an event to find our magnificent tree on the floor. A tangled mess of bulbs, candy canes, lights and oh the tangled tinsel. Trying to untangle tinsel left our family frustrated and snapping at each other. “Who left the dog on the house anyway?” “Who is going to clean up this mess?” “Come on you guys, everyone has to…

Posted in: adversity, Balancing life, Christmas, Conflict, Expectations, Good Marriage, happy, Laughter, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Peace, Pleasure, Simple, smart, Tension, untangle

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THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-Faulty Accusations

Posted: June 13, 2015

Asking good questions and find truth about other people’s actions is crucial for our happiness. If we harbour faulty accusations of “why” someone did or said something, it can build resentment and destroy a relationship. One of the greatest tools of the enemy (also called the Accuser) is to implant faulty accusations and then divide and conquer. If Satan can destroy our marriages and families, that destruction can filter down into our churches, communities, schools and government. Everywhere. Faulty accusations usually start small, and then take on a life of their own. For example: You tell your spouse you need a new kitchen appliance or a new patio set. His answer is simply “No.” You are annoyed and in your mind you accuse him of being stingy, small minded and uncaring. The next time you are with your girlfriends you tell them how he doesn’t care about your needs. Your…

Posted in: accusations, Assumptions, communicate, companionship, Conflict, Expectations, faulty thinking, Finding Truth, Good Marriage, Harmony, honest, intimacy destroyer, Listening, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Resentment, satan, Understanding each other

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THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – Negotiate Options

Posted: April 6, 2015

I attended a joyful celebration this past weekend, a wedding shower. The evening was electric with laughter, games and anticipation for a glorious marriage. I made a point of sitting with several “older” women who had been married for a long time and I wanted to hear why their marriages had been so successful over the years. Firstly, let me say that we all agreed it was more difficult to maintain a healthy marriage these days because of all the distractions, options, wants and yes…selfishness. But here are some of the things we discussed that helped to maintain the friendship, love and companionship in a marriage. Going into the marriage agreeing: “divorce is simply not an option.” There is no plan “B”, it only plan “A”. (There is a disclaimer for abusive marriages). Letting go of some selfish expectations. For example: One woman told me she had expectations of what…

Posted in: Balancing life, Commitment, Communication, companionship, Differences, Encouragement, Expectations, Friendship, fUN, Good Marriage, Harmony, Laughter, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Understanding each other, Valued, weddings

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A K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-“It’s About Time”

Posted: February 13, 2015

How can we bulletproof our marriages in a culture that is too busy to spend intimate time with the people we love? Rick Warren in his best selling book, “What on Earth Am I Here For?” says that the way to spell LOVE is T.I.M.E. I totally agree! Last weekend I had the privilege and JOY to speak to a group of families with young children about taking TIME to re-connect with our spouses and children. Let me share my points: T. TAKE TIME TO LOOK UP AND DIG DOWN It’s time to lay down our technology; look into each other’s eyes and engage in intimate, honest and meaningful conversation. We also need to dig down behind the words and our emotions to find out what the other person is really saying. For example, when a wife says: “Don’t touch me”, it could mean: “You said you would take out…

Posted in: Balancing life, Communication, companionship, Differences, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith, Finding Truth, Freedom, Freedom from Busyness, Friendship, fUN, God' Love, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Kindness, Laughter, Life of Jesus, Listening, love, Making Wise Choices, Pain Pleasure, Patience, Peace, Pleasure, power of words, Resentment, self gratification

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THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE –Praying Together

Posted: January 4, 2015

Prayer is the most uncomfortable yet powerful topic for marriages.  I know it’s uncomfortable because every time I bring it up at any marriage teaching session or marriage mentoring, the room falls silent. Yet prayer is the most powerful source we have in our marriages to create intimacy, receive healing and find hope and peace in our tumultuous lives. What is it that is holding us back from embracing this supernatural FREE power that, reluctantly we know, will save most marriages? When Jack and I got married 18 years ago, we instantly became parents of a large blended family of 5 children and many grandchildren. They all lived away from us and we are smart enough to know that families run into difficulties, stresses, illnesses and they need help.  But living so far away from everyone we could not be there to help them. Jack and I made a deliberate…

Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Expectations, Finding Truth, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pleasure, power of words, Prayer, Uncategorized, Understanding each other

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE- FALLING OUT OF LOVE (Part 1)

Posted: August 4, 2014

I hear this statement too often, “My husband/wife came home last night and told me he/she wants a divorce because she/he doesn’t love me anymore.” I flinch when I hear that sentence. Those words carry a train wreck of rejection, feelings of worthlessness and possibly the loss of a marriage, family and beautiful history. Today I want to give you fresh hope, because I believe we do not fall in and out of love. My husband Jack and I attended a 50th anniversary celebration this weekend and throughout the evening I was again reminded about reality and power of love.  We are smart enough to know that throughout this 50 year period there were difficult times and hurtful things were said where that loving feeling probably flew out the window.  Just days before my own daughter got married I clearly remember saying to her, “Sweetie, you need to know that…

Posted in: Boring marriage, Commitment, companionship, Conflict, dopamine, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Hope, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, messes, Overcoming Struggles, Pleasure, Resentment, Uncategorized, Understanding each other

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE- PURSUING GREATNESS “FOR THE TEAMS SAKE”

Posted: July 12, 2014

A young man by the name of LeBron James is arguably the greatest basketball player of this generation. Over the past four years he has led his team, the “Miami Heat” to four National Basketball Association finals, winning two championships. Lebron has command of all the basic skills required for basketball including power, speed, shooting and defensive ability. There are other stars that possess equivalent individual skills. But the thing that sets LeBron apart is his ability to recognize and utilize the gifting and capabilities of his mates and deliver the ball to them when they are in the best position to succeed. For example: three point shots, a mid range jump shot or a drive to the basket. There is great blessing which flows through marriages when partners view each other as team mates rather than competitors. When there is a mutual willingness, a couple will recognize the respective…

Posted in: Commitment, Communication, companionship, Differences, Encouragement, Expectations, Friendship, fUN, Good Marriage, Harmony, Making Wise Choices, Patience, power of words, Understanding each other

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