Blog: Friendship

MY TOP 3 NEEDS

Posted: March 16, 2016

We have needs. We need food to stay alive. Sleep to stay healthy, focused and refreshed. Money to buy necessities. But we also have deep emotional needs that must be met. This is more than our “love languages”; this digs below the surface to see how our needs and love languages marry up. For example, I know my three love languages are: Acts of service, words of affirmation and physical touch. But here is an example of how those are connected with my needs: Acts of Service turn into – “When I ask for help I really need it!” I love it when Jack washes my car or picks up some groceries. Those beautiful, loving gestures respond to my love language. But my NEED is somewhat different. I am a very independent woman and don’t need help very often but when I do ask for it, I really NEED you…

Posted in: Acts of Service, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, companionship, Encouragement, Expectations, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Listening, love, needs, true love, Valued

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A Valentine Grinch or True Love?

Posted: February 12, 2016

This may shatter your illusion of what I stand for, but I am the “Valentine Grinch”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to steal the love out of Valentines Day, in fact I’m trying to bring it in and set it right. Did you notice? As soon as the Christmas decorations are put away, the stores are covered in red and white. Valentine decorations, cards, trinkets, chocolates and every kind of knicky-knack under the sun cover the shelves of almost every store you walk into. This has nothing to do with love. I’m against the deceptive lure of feeling guilt if I don’t buy into this lavish, expensive and slick marketing ploy. I rebel against paying double the price for flowers and sitting in overcrowded expensive restaurants. Instead, I am all for buying into loving my husband every day of the year. Not out of guilt, but out of…

Posted in: companionship, Expectations, Friendship, gifts, Good Marriage, happiness, Harmony, Listening, love, meaningful, time, true love, valentines

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The K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-Being Vulnerable

Posted: September 5, 2015

Vulnerability. Some men run from it and most women secretly crave it. For some people it leads to anxiety, and if there is shame involved, it can actually plummet to disconnection. But in order to have healthy, vibrant relationships in marriages and friendships we have to be open and vulnerable. This freeing revelation came to me in a comical moment in a fashionable women’s clothing store. I was enjoying the 50% off the last sale price moment when I heard this conversation behind me. One woman said: “I really like it, but it’s too tight on my top. You know I think as I grow older my bust is growing bigger.” Then my head whipped around as I head the sale clerk’s response.” That’s right, they do grow bigger as we get older. In fact the three things on our bodies that keep growing are our busts, noses and ears.”…

Posted in: Communication, Friendship, Good Marriage, honesty, Intimacy, Making Wise Choices, Understanding each other, vulnerability, vulnerable

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THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – Negotiate Options

Posted: April 6, 2015

I attended a joyful celebration this past weekend, a wedding shower. The evening was electric with laughter, games and anticipation for a glorious marriage. I made a point of sitting with several “older” women who had been married for a long time and I wanted to hear why their marriages had been so successful over the years. Firstly, let me say that we all agreed it was more difficult to maintain a healthy marriage these days because of all the distractions, options, wants and yes…selfishness. But here are some of the things we discussed that helped to maintain the friendship, love and companionship in a marriage. Going into the marriage agreeing: “divorce is simply not an option.” There is no plan “B”, it only plan “A”. (There is a disclaimer for abusive marriages). Letting go of some selfish expectations. For example: One woman told me she had expectations of what…

Posted in: Balancing life, Commitment, Communication, companionship, Differences, Encouragement, Expectations, Friendship, fUN, Good Marriage, Harmony, Laughter, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Understanding each other, Valued, weddings

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A K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – Interruptions

Posted: March 3, 2015

There is one interruption that I know would put a huge smile on my face. Imagine this. It’s my birthday coming up and my husband gives me a simple card and an umbrella. Inside the card it says this. “I hear it rains in Paris at this time of the year.” It would take me but a minute to go down into the basement and get my suitcase. Most interruptions are not pleasant and come at inopportune times and have the possibility to wreck our ideal life. I’m not talking about the little annoyances like running out of gas in the middle of winter or spilling coffee all over your new white shirt. I’m talking about interruptions that change the course of our hopes and dreams. For Instance: One of your unemployed children is moving back home. You just discovered that your spouse is addicted to pornography. Your children are…

Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Commitment, Communication, companionship, Conflict, Encouragement, Finding Truth, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Laughter, Listening, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Peace, pornography, power of words

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A K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-“It’s About Time”

Posted: February 13, 2015

How can we bulletproof our marriages in a culture that is too busy to spend intimate time with the people we love? Rick Warren in his best selling book, “What on Earth Am I Here For?” says that the way to spell LOVE is T.I.M.E. I totally agree! Last weekend I had the privilege and JOY to speak to a group of families with young children about taking TIME to re-connect with our spouses and children. Let me share my points: T. TAKE TIME TO LOOK UP AND DIG DOWN It’s time to lay down our technology; look into each other’s eyes and engage in intimate, honest and meaningful conversation. We also need to dig down behind the words and our emotions to find out what the other person is really saying. For example, when a wife says: “Don’t touch me”, it could mean: “You said you would take out…

Posted in: Balancing life, Communication, companionship, Differences, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith, Finding Truth, Freedom, Freedom from Busyness, Friendship, fUN, God' Love, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Kindness, Laughter, Life of Jesus, Listening, love, Making Wise Choices, Pain Pleasure, Patience, Peace, Pleasure, power of words, Resentment, self gratification

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THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE –Praying Together

Posted: January 4, 2015

Prayer is the most uncomfortable yet powerful topic for marriages.  I know it’s uncomfortable because every time I bring it up at any marriage teaching session or marriage mentoring, the room falls silent. Yet prayer is the most powerful source we have in our marriages to create intimacy, receive healing and find hope and peace in our tumultuous lives. What is it that is holding us back from embracing this supernatural FREE power that, reluctantly we know, will save most marriages? When Jack and I got married 18 years ago, we instantly became parents of a large blended family of 5 children and many grandchildren. They all lived away from us and we are smart enough to know that families run into difficulties, stresses, illnesses and they need help.  But living so far away from everyone we could not be there to help them. Jack and I made a deliberate…

Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Expectations, Finding Truth, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pleasure, power of words, Prayer, Uncategorized, Understanding each other

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THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – A Place of Refuge

Posted: December 20, 2014

The world can be a harsh place these days. Take a few minutes to browse the CNN news and I know when you walk away your heart will be wrecked and sad. There is so much anger and hatred in our world, yet I know that we all long for a place of beauty, safety and comfort.  Besides the local spa I am not sure how many other places you will find this refuge.  So it has to be our marriages and our homes. This last year has been an extremely challenging year in my workplace and grieving the loss of my mother. Not to mention the day to day struggles that all of us encounter.  Yet I am so blessed to be able to walk through our door each evening and run into my husband Jack’s arms. He is a safe place of refuge by listening to my rambling,…

Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, companionship, Encouragement, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Kindness, love, Making Wise Choices, Pleasure, Uncategorized, Understanding each other, Valued

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-Kindness is like Honey

Posted: November 1, 2014

For the month of November my home church, Trinity Baptist in Kelowna, reaches out to the community with intentional acts of kindness. As I was writing an article about the different ways we can show kindness, I scoured my mind for creative and radical ways to show kindness throughout our city.  One intentional act of kindness I always do is pay for the person behind me when I go to Wendy’s drive through for their Supreme Taco salad.  I love driving away and wondering what the person behind me must be thinking. “Why in the world would that woman in front of me do that?  I wonder what she’s up to? I always drive away fast enough so that they never catch up to me or find out. I love the intrigue knowing I have brought delight into someone’s life. This morning was my time to clean out all the…

Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, companionship, Conflict, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Kindness, Laughter, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, power of words, Uncategorized, Understanding each other

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE- FIGHTING WITHOUT SHAME OR BLAME (Part 2)

Posted: September 24, 2014

I saw a newscast video on CNN last week that showed a young boy standing by the side of the road holding a sign that said, “I hit little girls.” The boy’s dad used this cruel masquerade as punishment for bad behavior. When the mom found out what was going on she was rightfully furious. She protested because she knew this would cause her son immense shame for the rest of his life. She also hinted at the fact that the dad was doing to his son that which had been done to him. Shame, if not dealt with, gets passed on. As you are reading this you might suggest shame does not apply to you, but let me assure you that shame is universal. Blaming, gossiping, name calling, bullying are behaviors that have permeated our culture. We all have it in some degree and the greatest antidote to destroying…

Posted in: Communication, Conflict, Control, Differences, Finding Truth, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, intimacy destroyer, Listening, love, power of words, secrets, Tension, Understanding each other

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