Blog: decisions
Posted: November 24, 2019
I’ve known her for forty-two intimate years and call her “she.” By the skin of her teeth I saved her from being discarded and thrown into a dumpster. This beat up, rickety, paint splattered ladder became an important part of our family’s life. After I cleaned her up and gave her two coats of dazzling white, she was the focal point at Christmas. Covered in garland, treasures and gift bags she stood out as the “belle of Christmas”. Two weeks before Christmas in 1994 when my first husband Dick died playing basketball we ran out of spots to place funeral flowers. Friends used the rungs of the ladder to place flowers, and I was horrified so see “her” being desecrated as a reminder of darkness and pain instead of Christmas joy. After I was remarried to my beloved Jack, it was time to face the reality of reviving Christmas and…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Christmas, Christmas joy, Christmas ladder, circumstances, decisions, from glory to glory, God's love, God's promises, God's promises are true, Jesus, joy, recapture your joy, refined like silver, refining process, suffering, transformatin, transformation, trust Good
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Posted: October 7, 2019
Living alone is hard, especially if you’ve always had someone by your side for a long time. Your body is jarred when your heart is exploding with joy and no one at home to share it with. Or, an unexpected bill arrives in the mail and now it’s up to you to handle it. You need to turn on the irrigation but don’t know where the knobs are, or you need to learn how to barbecue or change the filter in the furnace. In the almost three years of living alone, I’ve overcome all those frustrations and solitary adventures, but the aloneness is always there. I’m facilitating a group called Grief Share, where once again I’m confronted with the reality of people learning how to live alone. Some for the first time after fifty or sixty years. I ache for them and cry for them because this is hard. Now…
Posted in: alone, ask God, Christ, companionship, decisions, empty chair, Encouragement, Expectations, feeling good, friends, Friendship, happiness, havens, homes, hospitality, laughter, loneliness, Overcoming Struggles, pray, recapture your joy, relationships
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Posted: June 23, 2019
We want to be nice girls so we stuff our feelings, paste on a plastic smile and carry on. Inwardly the heart churns and toxic fumes accumulate as we drink our own poison hoping the other person will die. Resentment is the number one killer of relationships, especially marriages. I’m a beaten up expert on this topic as I learned how to recognize and survive this toxic crisis in my first marriage. I recall how each time I felt resentment, I wanted to pick up a rock and throw it toward my enemy. But because I tried to have harmony in the home I hid the rock (my anger) and put it into a pretty little imaginary box where it would be nice and safe. I was clueless about the dangers of ultimate explosions. I did not know that resentment was: Feeling heartbroken after exerting a great deal of effort…
Posted in: Communication, Conflict, confront conflict, decisions, Expectations, faulty thinking, Forgiveness, Friendship, grief, happy, honest, intimacy destroyer, listen, Making Wise Choices, personalities, Resentment, suffering, Tension
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Posted: February 12, 2019
I know you can relate when I tell you I’ve caused myself a lot of unnecessary suffering because of lies I believe. For example: Lying awake at night because I made a mistake, did something where I didn’t measure up, said the wrong thing again or misinterpreted a comment. Imagine what joyful and fruitful lives we could experience by overcoming some of the daily, debilitating lies. We know all our shortcomings and foibles so it’s easy to condemn ourselves. God’s truth seems so perfect and unreachable. The reality is that we live in a world of truth and lies The list of lies is endless but I will tackle three. This is my personality. Really? Your personality was shaped through all the imperfect script, images, information and your environment. Yes, a large portion of it was passed through your family genes, but God is in the people transformation business. You’re…
Posted in: adversity, angry, ask God, Beauty from the Inside Out, Christ, decisions, disappointment, disappointments, Expectations, Faith, False Belief Systems, faulty thinking, feeling bad, Freedom, God's love, grief, happiness, healing, joy, lies, love, messes, needs, Overcoming Struggles, pain, personalities, pray, self worth, self-esteem, suffering, temporary, Valued
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Posted: December 9, 2018
We’re a generation that’s not good with feeling bad. Yet there are those days or seasons where life just feels bad. I’m not talking about a depression or severe anxiety that needs tender loving counselling or therapy; it’s the dailyness and sometimes ruggedness of a certain season. Like sadness or loss of something precious and valuable, or the month of December known as…Christmas. Christmas is difficult for many people. Christmas is the season where you are supposed to feel good. We all want our life portrayed like the magical Holiday movies of people skating at Rockefeller Center, houses covered in lights and Christmas presents with huge, perfect bows. It’s the magic and pleasure we all hope to experience. But sadness or grief confuses our expectations and priorities. On one hand we want all that goodness and fun, yet somehow it seems wrong and too much work. Both my husbands…
Posted in: adversity, alone, Beauty from the Inside Out, care, Christ, Christmas, could, death, decisions, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith, feeling bad, feeling good, Freedom from Busyness, gifts, God's love, grace, grief, happy, Hope, joy, Laughter, Overcoming Struggles, presents, shoud, should, trust
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Posted: November 14, 2018
When the balance of gravity in your life shifts, and the familiar and comfortable is taken away, it can paralyze us with fear. How do we calm our hearts and stop the anxiety when there are more questions than answers and we have no idea how we’ll survive tomorrow? Fear is a monster that has the potential to destroy us. November 15this the second anniversary of my beloved Jack’s death and I can honestly say: “I’m not afraid anymore.” Fear no longer has its grip on me and assuredly I tell you that through Christ I have become more than a conqueror. How did that happen? Let me explain. I admit I was afraid in the months following Jack’s death. How I would live out the rest of my days…alone? What would happen to my speaking and writing ministry? Would I fit into my circle of friends as a single…
Posted in: Christ, death, decisions, Faith, Finding Truth, God's love, God's promises, grief, Jesus, joy, love, Making Wise Choices, satan
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Posted: August 17, 2018
I shouldn’t be alive I’ve had too many near death experiences. For example: Driving home alone late at night when it’s coal black without any street lights, and suddenly car headlights come straight toward you. My instincts kick in and I swerve to the right, onto the only small section of roadside that doesn’t have a ditch or danger. I’m safe only by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin. How about the day I rear ended a black SUV and totalled my car? Initially it looked like an unfortunate turn of events but the reality was quite different. In fact, if that SUV hadn’t stopped suddenly to let a young boy cross the road, would I have seen that little boy? It makes me shudder just to think about it. Coincidence or God’s miracle? Since Jack’s death, I look to God for protection, guidance and rescuing. Those promise are for me and…
Posted in: adversity, alone, ask God, care, coincidences, decisions, protection, rescue
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Posted: July 30, 2017
Two weeks ago I had the privilege of having a conversation with Don Piper, the author of the book and movie, 90 MINUTES ON HEAVEN. His gentle and kind words comforted me, gave me wisdom and put a smile on my face. His trouble came on a bridge, when his car collided with a semi-tractor truck and Don was pronounced dead. Ninety minutes later someone prayed over him, started singing a song, and soon Don sang along with him. His recovery was dreadfully painful and in the first year he had thirty-four surgeries. We will all face trouble, and sometimes within seconds we feel helpless when our lives change. The Bible says, “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33). My latest trouble came last November when my darling Jack, my second husband, dropped dead going for a cup of coffee. We don’t have a checklist on how…
Posted in: community, crisis, death, decisions, Faith, finances, grief, Hope, Jesus, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, relationships, troubles, Uncategorized
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Posted: August 13, 2016
After 30 years of being married I finally learned that respect is a husband’s greatest need. Finally, I found the perfect formula for a marriage and of course, it’s in the Bible: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy…” (Ephesians 5:25). It goes on to say: “…and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). If this simple but challenging principle is lived out, especially during difficult seasons, it is a sound solution for a happy marriage. It saddens me to see marriages breaking up because of selfishness and a sense of entitlement that says: “He/she is not making me happy and meeting my needs, and I don’t want to be married anymore.” First of all, we are the only one responsible for our happiness. It will astound us that when we show respect to our husbands the…
Posted in: communicate, companionship, decisions, Expectations, Friendship, fulfillment, Good Marriage, happiness, Harmony, Making Wise Choices, power of words, Respect, Understanding each other
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Posted: November 4, 2015
Many of us have said: “If I knew then what I know now.” But I know I did my best at 30, during the hectic days of spending my days in the car running children to their endless activities. Then at age 40 with teenagers and career. And so on. As the grey hair emerges, shouldn’t all profound wisdom should be right on its heels? But that’s not the case. I love what Maya Angelou says: “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” So now that I am older and smarter what can I unlock to do better? Unlock – Give back to society. I was at a fund raising breakfast this morning where the speaker affirmed something that resonated. “When we contribute back to society our lives are healed and enriched. “ Every day I am more aware that…
Posted in: 5 things, Balancing life, Communication, decisions, Encouragement, Freedom from Busyness, generosity, Good Marriage, happy, Harmony, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, sleep, smart, technology, time, unlock
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