Blog: Forgiveness

Locking Horns-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: October 7, 2021

There are vineyards all around me, plus the bonus of a ready-made family of 15 deer. Male, female and many adorable bambis and they’ve taught me a lot.  They love most flowers including rose bushes, cedars, and almost anything with green leaves. They’ve made me want to pull my hair out when I’ve had to replant my front flower bed for the third time and stare at me through the window while I’m watching TV. But last week they gave me a two-hour teachable moment. Two of the males locked horns. It was heartbreaking to watch. The clicking-clacking of the interlocked horns. The pushing, shoving and writhing backwards and sideways. Their grunting expressed their agony and I was unable to help them. Both were in pain but could not get away from each other.  They were stuck! They were stuck! It became a “God moment “ where the Holy Spirit…

Posted in: accept and allow, betrayal, break free, Conflict, Control, deer head locks, Differences, fighting, forgive one another, Forgiveness, Freedom, Friendship, head lock, Heavenly Father, Intimacy, Kindness, relationships, set free, unlock

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When Life Squeezes You-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: August 29, 2021

I squeezed a lot of lemons this summer. Trying to stay fresh during heat waves, smoke from forest fires and lemon water for keeping my summer company hydrated. I squeezed lemons for lemon water, canning peaches, and grilling salmon. The results were always the same; lemon juice came out. But of course, when something is squeezed whatever is on the inside will come out. The Bible puts it this way: “…for out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45). We’ve been squeezed the last 19 months and it’s a daily struggle. You’re all glued to the news these days so I don’t have to list all the lemons. So how are you dealing with the restrictions, disappointments, polarized opinions and those “other” people that annoy you? Are your true lemon colours showing up? Have you become angry, defensive, blaming, gone into depression or withdrawn? Or do…

Posted in: adversity, anger, anxious, ask for help, Beauty from the Inside Out, Christ in us, Conflict, disappointments, Faith, feeling bad, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, from glory to glory, God's promises, lemonade, lemons, Overcoming Struggles, Prayer, squeezed, transformation, trust, trust Good, worry

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So You Want to Receive a Blessing?-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: August 30, 2020

It was time for me to grab my gardening gloves, water bottle and hat and give back to my church and community.  My beloved home church, Trinity Church Kelowna, was gifted 23 acres of land that has been transformed into magnificent vegetable gardens to supply food for our Food Bank and many other organizations. Volunteers do most of the immense work and I knew it was time for me giddy-up and get out there to help. Giddy-up and get out there. Yes I was on my knees for almost two hours, and it’s tedious work, but when I was done I felt satisfied and fulfilled.  I wanted to be a blessing but a double portion of blessing came back to me.  Here’s what happened: I “got to” spend almost two hours with a friend, across from each other picking tomatoes and having the most delightful conversations. As we finished, we…

Posted in: alone, anger, blessings, community gardens, Expectations, Forgiveness, Freedom, fresh joy, friends, happy, joy, marriage, Overcoming Struggles, sowing and reaping, thankful, what goes around comes around

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When Is It A Deal-Breaker?-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: September 8, 2019

We don’t like lying, broken promises or unmet expectations. It’s hurtful, unfair and we feel betrayed. And it’s not nice or right. I know of a married couple that got a divorce because he broke the deal. The agreement was that if the wife had to pitch in and help with alimony payments, the marriage was done. That ended the marriage. Now they’re onto their third attempt for happiness. I also know of parents that have lied to their children, and it’s hard for the family to move on because trust has been broken. This hurt is justified and the human response is to withdraw and resist. But is this a deal-breaker? I often wonder the same thing. When we write/text encouragement and love notes and there is never a response. Do we continue? Is the “non-response” a deal breaker? When something gets too needy and tiresome or we feel over-burdened,…

Posted in: anger, betrayal, Christ, Conflict, deal-breaker, disappointments, emotional abuse, Expectations, Forgiveness, God's love, Jesus, love, physical abuse, sexual abuse, trust

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My Resentment Box-by Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: June 23, 2019

We want to be nice girls so we stuff our feelings, paste on a plastic smile and carry on. Inwardly the heart churns and toxic fumes accumulate as we drink our own poison hoping the other person will die.  Resentment is the number one killer of relationships, especially marriages. I’m a beaten up expert on this topic as I learned how to recognize and survive this toxic crisis in my first marriage.  I recall how each time I felt resentment, I wanted to pick up a rock and throw it toward my enemy.  But because I tried to have harmony in the home I hid the rock (my anger) and put it into a pretty little imaginary box where it would be nice and safe. I was clueless about the dangers of ultimate explosions. I did not know that resentment was: Feeling heartbroken after exerting a great deal of effort…

Posted in: Communication, Conflict, confront conflict, decisions, Expectations, faulty thinking, Forgiveness, Friendship, grief, happy, honest, intimacy destroyer, listen, Making Wise Choices, personalities, Resentment, suffering, Tension

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Building Authentic and Loving Relationships

Posted: January 23, 2017

Since my last blog post I’ve had many women ask: “So Heidi, how do we build those loving and authentic friendships and relationships”? This past week I spent a delightful evening with one of my tribes and I posed that very question. The next hour was filled with honest and engaging conversation. Here are 7 basic tips we came up with: Know Yourself. Our soul must be nurtured to be healthy and strong so that we can overcome jealousy, offenses and negative situations. If we foster a victim mentality eventually we will feel disappointed, hurt, rejected and move onto what we think will be something better. Often times the best friendship is right under our nose but we don’t take the time to cultivate it. Our foremost and vital relationship is with God who is the only One who can grow us into the people He designed us to be….

Posted in: authentic, Expectations, Forgiveness, Friendship, loneliness, personalities, relationships, shame, time, vulnerable

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE- FALLING OUT OF LOVE (Part 2)

Posted: August 15, 2014

I get all warm and tingly when I find a gorgeous pair of designer shoes at 70% off the last sale price.  Or, if I find out that one of my articles is being published and I’m actually going to get paid for it. But that glow quickly evaporates over the next couple of hours or days. I’m not “in love with the shoes or articles”; they just give me a lovely jolt of temporary bliss.  But I’m afraid we might expect that same kind of pleasure rush in our relationships and it may be our gauge for determining whether or not we are in love. We live in a very selfish and pleasure seeking world and I think we have confused the definition of love. “Love is directed outward toward others and not inward toward ourselves. It is not a feeling but a decision to meet others’ needs.” So if…

Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Commitment, Communication, Conflict, Differences, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, God' Love, Good Marriage, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Patience, Pleasure, Resentment, Uncategorized, Understanding each other

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE- FALLING OUT OF LOVE (Part 1)

Posted: August 4, 2014

I hear this statement too often, “My husband/wife came home last night and told me he/she wants a divorce because she/he doesn’t love me anymore.” I flinch when I hear that sentence. Those words carry a train wreck of rejection, feelings of worthlessness and possibly the loss of a marriage, family and beautiful history. Today I want to give you fresh hope, because I believe we do not fall in and out of love. My husband Jack and I attended a 50th anniversary celebration this weekend and throughout the evening I was again reminded about reality and power of love.  We are smart enough to know that throughout this 50 year period there were difficult times and hurtful things were said where that loving feeling probably flew out the window.  Just days before my own daughter got married I clearly remember saying to her, “Sweetie, you need to know that…

Posted in: Boring marriage, Commitment, companionship, Conflict, dopamine, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Hope, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, messes, Overcoming Struggles, Pleasure, Resentment, Uncategorized, Understanding each other

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“A GLORIOUS SPLASH OF TIME” A Different Reflective Post

Posted: April 15, 2014

An unrelenting knot in my stomach signals the beginning of my Easter week. My emotions become tender and anxious because Good Friday is approaching-– again. This tension started ten years ago on a Good Friday, when I heard the whispered, gut wrenching words, “Were you there when they nailed Him to the tree?”  In that divine, hushed moment I became that mother gazing upon her own son hanging on a cross. I tried to envision my son in that scene—Donovan, the apple of my eye, with his wistful lopsided grin and dimples. The one who makes me double over in laughter, creates gourmet recipes, shops with me, and makes my buttons burst with pride.  My whole life has been devoted to nurturing, loving and protecting him. So I am overcome with emotion when I place myself in that moment in time, where Mary stands, looking up at her son’s bloody,…

Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Faith, Forgiveness, Freedom, God' Love, Hope, Life of Jesus, loneliness, love, Making Wise Choices

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – Secrets

Posted: April 27, 2013

CNN stated that Katherine Tsarnaeva (Russell), the wife of the deceased Boston Bomber, claims “she was completely in the dark about her husband’s alleged plan to bomb the Boston Marathon.” Katherine’s lawyer also stated: “Reports of involvement by her husband and brother-in-law came as an absolute shock to them all.” As you and I read these excerpts, we must wonder how it is possible to be married to someone who carries such dark and insidious secrets. Yet we must recognize that there is a dark side to all of us. Secrets are destructive and toxic. They will not evaporate over time and free us from their claws, in fact; they will grow their sinister barnacles into the fabric of our soul. Anything that is kept in the dark holds power over us. Especially in our marriages. This is a tough topic because no one wants to talk about their secrets….

Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty through Boldness, Commitment, Communication, counsellor, Encouragement, Expectations, Forgiveness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, messes, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Power of the Tongue, sabotage, secrets

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