Blog: Intimacy
Posted: February 13, 2015
How can we bulletproof our marriages in a culture that is too busy to spend intimate time with the people we love? Rick Warren in his best selling book, “What on Earth Am I Here For?” says that the way to spell LOVE is T.I.M.E. I totally agree! Last weekend I had the privilege and JOY to speak to a group of families with young children about taking TIME to re-connect with our spouses and children. Let me share my points: T. TAKE TIME TO LOOK UP AND DIG DOWN It’s time to lay down our technology; look into each other’s eyes and engage in intimate, honest and meaningful conversation. We also need to dig down behind the words and our emotions to find out what the other person is really saying. For example, when a wife says: “Don’t touch me”, it could mean: “You said you would take out…
Posted in: Balancing life, Communication, companionship, Differences, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith, Finding Truth, Freedom, Freedom from Busyness, Friendship, fUN, God' Love, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Kindness, Laughter, Life of Jesus, Listening, love, Making Wise Choices, Pain Pleasure, Patience, Peace, Pleasure, power of words, Resentment, self gratification
Read More
Posted: January 24, 2015
Let’s be honest, most of us are “stuff managers”. We go to work in the morning to make money to buy stuff. Then when we bring it home we have to find a place to put this stuff. When there is no more room, we put our stuff into plastic containers with labels on them and find room in the basement or the garage to store this stuff. Or, we might have to dig through our existing stuff so we can give it away to make room for more stuff. Or, we might have to rent a storage container or locker room to store our stuff. Often times we don’t even know what stuff to use; should we use our golf clubs, kayak, boat, swimming pool, bikes, motor home or just sit at home and linger on the deck? Or should we sit down with our day timers or phones…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Encouragement, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Understanding each other
Read More
Posted: January 4, 2015
Prayer is the most uncomfortable yet powerful topic for marriages. I know it’s uncomfortable because every time I bring it up at any marriage teaching session or marriage mentoring, the room falls silent. Yet prayer is the most powerful source we have in our marriages to create intimacy, receive healing and find hope and peace in our tumultuous lives. What is it that is holding us back from embracing this supernatural FREE power that, reluctantly we know, will save most marriages? When Jack and I got married 18 years ago, we instantly became parents of a large blended family of 5 children and many grandchildren. They all lived away from us and we are smart enough to know that families run into difficulties, stresses, illnesses and they need help. But living so far away from everyone we could not be there to help them. Jack and I made a deliberate…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Expectations, Finding Truth, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pleasure, power of words, Prayer, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
Read More
Posted: November 1, 2014
For the month of November my home church, Trinity Baptist in Kelowna, reaches out to the community with intentional acts of kindness. As I was writing an article about the different ways we can show kindness, I scoured my mind for creative and radical ways to show kindness throughout our city. One intentional act of kindness I always do is pay for the person behind me when I go to Wendy’s drive through for their Supreme Taco salad. I love driving away and wondering what the person behind me must be thinking. “Why in the world would that woman in front of me do that? I wonder what she’s up to? I always drive away fast enough so that they never catch up to me or find out. I love the intrigue knowing I have brought delight into someone’s life. This morning was my time to clean out all the…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, companionship, Conflict, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Kindness, Laughter, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, power of words, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
Read More
Posted: September 24, 2014
I saw a newscast video on CNN last week that showed a young boy standing by the side of the road holding a sign that said, “I hit little girls.” The boy’s dad used this cruel masquerade as punishment for bad behavior. When the mom found out what was going on she was rightfully furious. She protested because she knew this would cause her son immense shame for the rest of his life. She also hinted at the fact that the dad was doing to his son that which had been done to him. Shame, if not dealt with, gets passed on. As you are reading this you might suggest shame does not apply to you, but let me assure you that shame is universal. Blaming, gossiping, name calling, bullying are behaviors that have permeated our culture. We all have it in some degree and the greatest antidote to destroying…
Posted in: Communication, Conflict, Control, Differences, Finding Truth, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, intimacy destroyer, Listening, love, power of words, secrets, Tension, Understanding each other
Read More
Posted: September 6, 2014
Our family has a zany sense of humor and any time we need a good belly laugh we pull up a Brian Regan YouTube video. One of our favorite videos always starts with the sentence: “I just want to get through life without looking stupid. So far it’s not working.” In light of this marriage topic, I would like to change that sentence to: “I just want to get through life without feeling shame or blame…so far it’s not working.” God designed “good marriages” by putting together two imperfect, vulnerable, insecure people and shaping them into the beautiful image of Jesus Christ. Nothing “sandpapers, cuts, moulds and shapes” people better than when they are living in close proximity and intimacy with each other. But sometimes the shaping of this good marriage can be so painful at times that all we want to do is run. Nothing makes us run faster and…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, companionship, Finding Truth, Good Marriage, Harmony, Hope, Intimacy, love, messes, Overcoming Struggles, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
Read More
Posted: August 15, 2014
I get all warm and tingly when I find a gorgeous pair of designer shoes at 70% off the last sale price. Or, if I find out that one of my articles is being published and I’m actually going to get paid for it. But that glow quickly evaporates over the next couple of hours or days. I’m not “in love with the shoes or articles”; they just give me a lovely jolt of temporary bliss. But I’m afraid we might expect that same kind of pleasure rush in our relationships and it may be our gauge for determining whether or not we are in love. We live in a very selfish and pleasure seeking world and I think we have confused the definition of love. “Love is directed outward toward others and not inward toward ourselves. It is not a feeling but a decision to meet others’ needs.” So if…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Commitment, Communication, Conflict, Differences, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, God' Love, Good Marriage, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Patience, Pleasure, Resentment, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
Read More
Posted: August 4, 2014
I hear this statement too often, “My husband/wife came home last night and told me he/she wants a divorce because she/he doesn’t love me anymore.” I flinch when I hear that sentence. Those words carry a train wreck of rejection, feelings of worthlessness and possibly the loss of a marriage, family and beautiful history. Today I want to give you fresh hope, because I believe we do not fall in and out of love. My husband Jack and I attended a 50th anniversary celebration this weekend and throughout the evening I was again reminded about reality and power of love. We are smart enough to know that throughout this 50 year period there were difficult times and hurtful things were said where that loving feeling probably flew out the window. Just days before my own daughter got married I clearly remember saying to her, “Sweetie, you need to know that…
Posted in: Boring marriage, Commitment, companionship, Conflict, dopamine, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Hope, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, messes, Overcoming Struggles, Pleasure, Resentment, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
Read More
Posted: June 7, 2014
Conflict and crudeness seems to be the order of the day in our present throwaway generation. Just spend some time watching sitcoms and real life T.V., and it will quickly become evident that the concept of “Honor” appears to be a quaint notion from somewhere in the past. Yet I would submit that “Honor” is a widely taught subject of the Holy Scriptures. A simple definition of the word is “a value or appreciation, esteem, favorable, regard, respect.” A better understanding of the word may help if we take a look at its counterpart: “dishonored”, which in its strongest form means to “treat shamefully and even humiliated.” Beginning with God, we are taught to “Honor” a wide range of individuals including authorities, civil, social and church leaders, and parents. In addition, “Honor” is an essential ingredient in the home to bring about harmony and free couples to be all that…
Posted in: 5 things, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, companionship, Encouragement, Freedom, Friendship, God' Love, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, power of words, Respect, Understanding each other
Read More
Posted: March 8, 2014
Those boys hurt my feelings” pouted my little three year old granddaughter. As we walked I held her hand and consoled her. But I must confess that inwardly I was shocked that a three year old child had the insight to express how she felt. But then again, she is female and very much in touch with her inner self. But we have to understand that our feelings are fickle. They betray us because emotions don’t have intellect. They don’t think clearly, hardly ever steer us in the right direction and often they distort the truth. If we try to recount an emotional incidence that happened in the past, the story has great possibility to be distorted. Why…because our emotions can be stronger than the truth. As a speaker I often make this statement because I know it to be true: “My audience may not remember what I said, but they…
Posted in: Commitment, Communication, companionship, Finding Truth, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pleasure, power of words, Tension
Read More
