Blog: Expectations
Posted: July 20, 2011
I have also been doing the radical 30 day “hands off” challenge and at least twice I have failed miserably. No doubt about it; it’s a tough one especially if we are trying to break established patterns and bad habits. Throw in some jet lag, heat, writing deadlines, a house full of company and fatigue, and those are deadly ingredients for caving in and throwing away all good intentions. I always say that fatigue makes cowards out of us and makes us want to give up, but tomorrow is a new day and we have the blessings of a new beginning. So don’t give up. Amongst all of the summer activity I have become acutely aware (again) how most women are the family Wikipedia; a wealth of knowledge for activities, social functions, grocery lists, birthdays, gift buying and having answers for continuous questions. Here is how I see it. Imagine…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Good Marriage, Intimacy
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Posted: June 25, 2011
This was one of the most bizarre stories I ever heard. My son-in-law Tim was telling me how he grows hybrid canola. This is what he told me, “Hybrid canola is grown in rows with the ‘females’ in one row, and the ‘males’ in adjacent rows. Then they import honey bees and leafcutter bees to pollinate the canola. After pollination is complete, the ‘male’ rows are mowed out, since they do not produce the desired type of seed.” This seems to be the sequence of events in many marriages. Man and woman fall in love, they pollinate (have babies) and once the male is no longer useful, he is being mowed down. I don’t believe I am being to brazen by saying this so bluntly, because I have heard women “mowing down men” in various, cutting ways. Once men no longer meet our expectations, we can cut them down by…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Kindness, Making Wise Choices, Pain Pleasure, Resentment, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: June 10, 2011
Tension in a marriage can be good. But by the time some people finish reading this blog about tension they may be shouting, “Get rid of the jerk, he/she’s not worth it.” Apparently they were worth it at one time; the day you were both all dressed up in your finest attire, surrounded by family and friends and declaring your love for each other for the “rest of your lives.” Our modern day lifestyle plays havoc with our marriages; especially during the years where we are cultivating our careers, nurturing our children, trying to stay in the black in our bank accounts and carving out some fun recreational activities. I believe that much of the tension arises by both spouses feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated and then angry. Instead of throwing in the towel and saying, “I don’t love you anymore, and I’m leaving”…see the tension as a golden opportunity for…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty through Boldness, Communication, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Kindness, Overcoming Struggles, Overwhelmed and Undervalued, Tension, Uncategorized, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: June 4, 2011
Every one of us is a minefield full of treasures. Most of those minefields are pain, frustration, disappointment, bitterness and anger because of unmet expectations. So how does that turn into a treasure? Follow me along on a treasure hunt. To do that I need to tell you a little story. There was a man who ran across American, coast to coast. When he completed this arduous, compelling and harsh task, he was met by the news media, with TV cameras and microphones being shoved into his face. The reporters asked him, “What was the hardest part of this year long trek? Was it the heat in the summer? Was it the fatigue? Was it the loneliness? Was it the relentless distance?” The runner replied without any hesitation, “No, it was the sand in my shoes.” Ok what does that have to do with expectations? Everything! When we have expectations,…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty through Boldness, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, Encouragement, Expectations, Fear, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Pain Pleasure, Resentment
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Posted: May 24, 2011
“Have you left your luggage unattended at any time?” This is one of the questions the girl at the airline check-in counter asks before she allows me to plunk my luggage onto her conveyer belt. I know this simple, ridiculous question is for my safety; to protect me from terrorism or any other harm. Yet so many of us, before we say our “I do’s” and get ready to fly into our marriage; don’t ask each other that straightforward, life saving question. We arrive at the marriage alter dragging our gorgeous, deceptive Gucci luggage which holds all of our garbage and secrets. There probably has not been any reason to unzip the baggage; after all you have both been in a magical, endorphin induced courtship. Now the day to day routine of life begins with its challenges and obstacles, and before you know it you are pulling the luggage zipper…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, Encouragement, Expectations, False Belief Systems, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Making Wise Choices, Pain Pleasure, Resentment, Understanding each other
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Posted: May 6, 2011
For over twenty-five years I have been the only woman in the Boardroom and in Manager’s Meetings. You would think that by now I would know how to phrase my questions and conversations so that I can engage men in productive and meaningful conversations. Think again. Apparently not;I am constantly learning. This week my question was, “Hey guys, I need to order a cake for the Retirement Party; should we get fancy or funny?” They looked at me as though I was Neanderthal woman, turned away from me and broke into animated conversation with each other about the hockey play-offs. That ended the conversation. If the majority of men are interested in talking about cakes; think again. In all my blogs about marriage, please know there is always a disclaimer. Keep in mind that I am writing about men in general. There are certain men that if you asked them…
Posted in: Beauty through Boldness, Encouragement, Expectations, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Resentment, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
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Posted: April 22, 2011
For many years, when my alarm went off at 6:00 a.m.; I would start to pray. “God, please help me to get out of this bed. Help me get one foot on the floor and then the other one. Please God help me to start this day.” Those were the days when I was employed full time, taxied two children to endless activities, baked my own bread, sewed my own clothes, taught Sunday School…in other words; every morning I had to go into the telephone booth and change into the image of Super-woman of this present generation. On Saturday mornings while the children were cuddled in their pajamas, munching cereal, playing with the dog and my husband watching basketball, any person watching this peaceful family scene would probably sigh and comment on this blissful Rockwell family. Wrong. In the meantime I was in the kitchen banging pots, dragging out the…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Freedom from Busyness, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Resentment, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
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Posted: April 15, 2011
Once the chemical magic wears off in a relationship, we get into the nuts and bolts of what makes us tick. There has to be more to a fulfilling home life than the grinding routine of vacuuming dog hairs, running children to soccer, paying the mortgage and fertilizing the grass. If we don’t know what makes our spouses’ hearts pound, gives them fulfillment and spurs them on to become better people, we miss the mark in what marriage was intended to be. One of the hardest questions we will ask each other is this, “What are your 3 greatest needs?” We may actually think this is a dumb, easy question, but in fact it is the most essential one you will ever ask your spouse AND yourself. We all have deep emotional needs, physical, spiritual needs, that if they are not met, we will slowly die inside. So first ask…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Encouragement, Expectations, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure
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Posted: April 1, 2011
Humans seek pleasure. Most people believe that this essential pleasure will be found in a marriage relationship and that it will ultimately fulfill their soul craving for acceptance, understanding and of course…love. This powerful, plan was created by God and He said that “it was good.” Something has gone awry, or has it? For the next few months I will be writing on K.I.S.S. (Keep it simple sweetheart) simple, yet powerful steps to build the kind of marriage that God intended us to enjoy. Marriages can indeed be the joyful, fulfilling relationships God intended them to be. I was married at nineteen, a young clueless woman, thinking that my husband would make me happy and enrich my life. I had no one to mentor, or teach me as to what it takes to build a marriage. I went through years of resentment, pain and feeling I had made a dreadful…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty through Boldness, Expectations, Good Marriage, Hope, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Resentment
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Posted: March 16, 2011
Many of my readers know that I have shown up at work wearing two different shoes. Obviously I was still sleepwalking. I had a boss that constantly reminded me, “The best way to succeed is to PAY ATTENTION to the details.” That expression resonated in my brain and to this day I focus on having a curious perspective on life. Try to focus in on details when you are on an airplane flying at 30,000 feet. All you can see is blotches, lines and squares. Travelling on a hi-speed bullet train in France allows you to see clearer outlines and pictures but no details. Driving slower in a car; is better. Walking is good. Stopping is vital. We have to remember that to succeed, emerge and blossom in our spiritual journey we have to pay attention and “taste and see that the Lord is good…” (Psalm 34:8 NIV). SEE AND…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Freedom from Busyness, Hope, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles
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