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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE- “The Female Wikipedia”

Posted: July 20, 2011

I have also been doing the radical 30 day “hands off” challenge and at least twice I have failed miserably. No doubt about it; it’s a tough one especially if we are trying to break established patterns and bad habits.  Throw in some jet lag, heat, writing deadlines, a house full of company and fatigue, and those are deadly ingredients for caving in and throwing away all good intentions. I always say that fatigue makes cowards out of us and makes us want to give up, but tomorrow is a new day and we have the blessings of a new beginning. So don’t give up.

Amongst all of the summer activity I have become acutely aware (again) how most women are the family Wikipedia; a wealth of knowledge for activities, social functions, grocery lists, birthdays, gift buying and having answers for continuous questions.  Here is how I see it.

Imagine a room full of men, women and children having animated conversations, telling funny stories and making plans for future activities. Women have powerful brain activity which enables them to listen to several conversations and retain the detailed data of numerous upcoming plans. As the ensuing days unfold, the wife may say to the husband, “Friday we have to leave by 5:30 in order to get to the Jones’ house for the barbecue and we better get the tickets for the outdoor summer musical next weekend. We also need to remember to buy a bocce ball set because we are in charge of arranging social activities for the Food Fund Raiser.”

The husband looks at the wife with glazed over eyes, his mouth slightly ajar because he is in shock. He doesn’t have a clue what you are talking about because he claims he never “heard a thing.”

Here is what we women have to remember. Our brains are capable of taking in scattered and non-stop information and gather it into a basket like a professional berry picker. Men have the potential to hear ONE thing…maybe two if it pertains to Home Depot or the next hockey game.  Here is what you and I have to remember, Don’t expect them to hear what you heard and remember all the details of all the conversations. I confess, when my children were growing up and I had a full time job, sometimes it made me frustrated and mad when I felt I needed to be the walking Wikipedia, knowing all the children’s activities, social functions, birthdays, anniversaries, writing thank you notes and endless answers to all the children’s questions.  But I have learned, and CONTINUE TO LEARN that my husband does not always hear everything I hear and file it away as meticulously as I do. When I feel that he is lost in the maze of activities here is what I need to remember:

  1. That I am generalizing and some men have the ability to hear a pin drop on the other side of the room, and remember every phone number, social activity known to mankind.
  2. BUT:
  3. He MAY not be interested in all the detailed chatter of a room full of people.
  4. He MAY not be able to retain all the information that was tossed around.
  5. He MAY not care about all the activities as much as you do.
  6. I MUST take the high road and help him to navigate through all the clutter and remind him of dates, and deadlines.
  7. I MUST remember that the first part of the fruit of the spirit in 1 Cor. 13 is “Love is PATIENT…”. Patience means that, first of all, I need to be grateful and count my blessings for that which is right before me at that moment. The first and foremost one is that you have a husband. When we become grateful; patience is given permission to show up.
  8. I must remember to do this in Love. Not controlling, or on a power trip thinking that I am smarter than he is, but realizing he hears things differently than I do.

I hope and pray that the next time your husband looks at you with question marks in his eyes, remember, and I know it’s hard, but…Love is Patient.


Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Good Marriage, Intimacy

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