Blog: disappointments
Posted: August 8, 2025
One of my simple pleasures is walking in the rain. Without hat, umbrella or rain proof coat; rain running down my face and soaking my body. Especially in the summer when the sun makes the rain sweet and warm. It refreshes and it feels like I’ve been washed from the inside out. But I lost that simple pleasure when grief knocked me flat on my face, broken and unable to get up on my own. I lost almost all my simple pleasures. Reading, enjoying a long sleep-in, a fresh cup of coffee, decorating my home and writing. When I looked in the mirror my eyes were no longer a bright blue, they turned grey. Every day was simply survival. I just wanted it to stop. While going through intense grief it feels like it will last forever. From our self-imposed inner reality we believe this is our new normal and…
Posted in: ask God, barefoot in the rain, beauty and pain coexist, beauty in God's creation, blessings, care, cry, darkness, death, despair, disappointments, empty soul, feeling bad, find the simple joys, gloomy days, God's creation, God's promises are true, goodness of God, grief changes us, grief is lonely, grief is temporary, grief is unpredictable, Hope, live one day at a time, mourn, new normal, scars are beautiful, scars are breautiful, scars heal, scars help us to remember, seasons of darkness, second chances, Simple, suffering, time doesn't heal, Uncategorized
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Posted: July 7, 2025
An emotional lightning bolt hit me on the golf course. I saw the backside of a man about Jack’s age, wearing a Puma golf hat, with black golf shorts and a blue shirt. That’s exactly what Jack always wore. My heart started to pound; I stopped and couldn’t take my eyes off him. I’m not crazy. Of course I knew it wasn’t Jack. My brain knows Jack died a long time ago. But our grief saturated minds can play powerful tricks on our feelings. The desire to see our loved ones again is so powerful, our hearts become irrational with that deep longing. We’re not crazy we’re just sad. Some smells and sounds trigger emotional responses that are quite shocking. Jack and I had a favorite restaurant which is quite expensive, so we went there only on special occasions. Months after Jack died a family member (who didn’t now it…
Posted in: alone, ask God, breathing, brokenness, circumstances, cry, darkness, death, despair, disappointments, emotional recovery, emotional triggers, empathy, Encouragement, feeling bad, grief affects the brain, grief changes us, grief is lonely, grief is misunderstood, grief is unpredictable, Hope, live one day at a time, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, refining process, seasons of darkness, Self-compassion, special kind of love, suffering, take care of your heart, time doesn't heal, trauma, we need each other
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Posted: June 3, 2025
I often hear grieving people say: “No one ever told me it would be like this. One moment you feel composed, like you may be able to handle it. The next, a smell, song or the name of a restaurant strikes like lightening.” There is no logic to grief. Nogrie timeline, seven steps or neat stages to follow to get you through the most painful journey you will ever take. I call it the grief monster. It has different colours, voices and moods. It’s like a cycle that loops, jumps, surprises and shifts. Grief is a monster that comes out of nowhere. I believe that is why people shy away from us because they don’t know what to do with us or what to say. It seems all wrong. Of course people want to support us but most often words fall short and well-meaning cliches, Bible verses or quotes feel…
Posted in: adversity, alone, anxiety, brokenness, cry, darkness, disappointments, good shepherd, grief, grief affects the brain, grief changes us, grief is lonely, grief is misunderstood, grief is unpredictable, Hope, hurting world, loneliness, Overcoming Struggles, relationships, resilience, seasons of darkness, suffering
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Posted: May 1, 2025
Never in my lifetime have I seen the faces of so much grief and loss. Not just death, but the loss of divorce, miscarriages, home, business, a child on drugs or in prison, a medical diagnosis, the loss of a hope or dream or even your church or country. When I speak to an audience ask them about their losses. Their answers rock my soul. Most people in grief feel unheard and walk alone.. For the next year I will write about grief and losses with the goal to always bring you to hope. We are not meant to grieve alone. The Bible tells us to: “Mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). Mourn with those who mourn. I thought my lonely and misunderstood personal struggle of grief was mine to bear…alone. In January of 2023 I posted a Facebook meme that said: “Grief is the loneliest road you’ll ever…
Posted in: all alone, alone, beauty and pain coexist, brokenness, death, disappointments, empathy, empty soul, grief, grief is lonely, grief is misunderstood, healing, honesty, Hope, hurting world, It's going to be OK, loneliness, Overcoming Struggles, pain, relationships, sympathy, tender soul care, unheard and unseen, we need each other
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Posted: November 11, 2024
One of the simplest and most powerful ways to cultivate and deepen friendships is to pray together. It’s free. All it costs you is your time and commitment. When people ask me, “Heidi, when and how did you learn and love to pray?” My response is always: “Out of desperation.” Most of us learn to pray out of desperation. Grieving the deaths of two husbands I prayed fearlessly and passionately because I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. That’s why I can pray on the spot, in a group, in front of hundreds of people because I’m not praying to impress , I’m praying to my Abba Father who hears my prayers. We don’t pray to impress or sound smart or holy. For over 10 years, without missing a single month, I’ve been praying with two friends by Skype and now Zoom. One lives in Alabama and one…
Posted in: ask for help, ask God, Christ in us, Come to Jesus, disappointments, don't give up, Friendship, girlfriends, God's love, goodness of God, Intimacy, loneliness, make time for each other, one-another, Prayer, Prayer deepens relationships, Praying divides our burdens, praying with friends, presence of God, relationships, spiritual friendships, we need each other
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Posted: October 8, 2024
My favourite festivity of the year is, hands down, Thanksgiving. It surpasses Christmas and birthdays. I love it for many reasons. The changing of colours in the landscape into yellow, orange and red. The smell and variety of harvest fruits and vegetables. Cooler days which invite perfect days for hiking and golfing. A heart filled with thanksgiving and the best part…we don’t have to expend energy to buy unnecessary gifts. Little bits of fall decorating in my home help to set the ambiance and getting the house ready for a sumptuous Thanksgiving dinner. And we want it to be perfect don’t we? Sadly I’ve had many disappointments and disasters. Let me take you back to the worst one in 2018. The worst one was in 2018. The Thanksgiving table was beautifully decorated with my best linen tablecloth, candles, leaves, dried wheat and all my best china and crystal glasses. Because…
Posted in: adventure, ambiance, be creative, circumstances, confront conflict, decisions, desires, disappointments, disasters, each day has enough troubles of its own, Encouragement, Expectations, Families, fresh joy, fUN, good conversation, happy meals, home sweet home, hospitality, joy, Laughter, love lives here, presents, regret, Tension, thankful, thanksgiving
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Posted: September 8, 2024
The single mom and I sat on the beach in our chairs, with our feet dangling in the warm lake water. The setting was glorious but the conversation was hard and I knew my friend needed some practical advice. As I listened and prayed (in my mind while she was speaking) I asked God to give me some words to give her hope. Immediately I remembered the five simple words that helped me through my darkest journey. Everything in life is temporary. As soon as I said these words her shoulders relaxed and I could see peace invade her heart. When we’re in the middle of suffering everything feels dark and hopeless and often we can’t see how that will ever change. We feel lost, alone and weak. Often times we feel stuck. Our difficult circumstances overwhelm us and darkness is all we can see. It drains the life and…
Posted in: a time for everything under the Heaven, adversity, alone, anxiety, anxious, ask for help, circumstances, Conflict, crisis, darkness, death, disappointments, Encouragement, Everything in life is temporary, Expectations, friends, gift of peace, grief, happy, Making Wise Choices, momentary trouble, one-another, Overcoming Struggles, Peace, Prayer, relationships, seasons of darkness, show up, temporary, troubles, waiting, we need each other
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Posted: August 4, 2024
Disappointments are part of every day life. We didn’t get that parking spot, the food didn’t match up to the price, and your flight was delayed or cancelled. The new outfit doesn’t look as great as you thought and the summer company you were excited about ended up causing chaos. Often we glibly say: “We need to just get over it.” But disappointments can leave us mildly irritated or they can crush our soul. Because there are disappointments that are life changing. They may not be a death but it actually feels like it. The Doctor told you it was multiple myeloma or brain tumour, you find out your grandchild is addicted to drugs or gambling, you discover your business is going bankrupt and you will lose the house you love. Your spouse tells you he/she don’t love you anymore. Those disappointments are like a death. I’ve talked to many…
Posted in: anxiety, chaos, crisis, cry, darkness, death, decisions, depression, despair, disappointments, empathy, empty soul, Expectations, feeling bad, Finding Truth, focus, friends, grief, lamenting, listen, mourn, Overcoming Struggles, relationships, seasons of darkness, sympathy, thankful, trouble, weeping
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Posted: June 10, 2024
We want to be nice girls so we stuff our feelings, paste on a plastic smile and carry on. Inwardly the heart churns and toxic fumes accumulate as we drink our own poison hoping the other person will die. Resentment is the number one killer of relationships, especially marriages. I consider myself an expert on this topic as I learned how to recognize and survive this toxic crisis in my first marriage. I recall how each time I felt resentment, I wanted to pick up a rock and throw it toward my enemy. But because I tried to have harmony in the home I hid the rock (my anger) and put it into a pretty little imaginary box where it would be nice and safe. I was clueless about the dangers of ultimate explosions. I did not know that resentment was: Feeling heartbroken after exerting a great deal of effort…
Posted in: accusations, adversity, angry, Anticipation, anxiety, ask God, Assumptions, betrayal, confront conflict, disappointments, do the hard work, don't give up, Expectations, faulty thinking, Finding Truth, forgive one another, frustrations, grit, healing, honest, Hope, messes, Offenses, Overcoming Struggles, power of words, relationships, Resentment, set free, shame, take care of your heart, Tension, trouble, Understanding each other, worry
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Posted: January 12, 2024
Over Christmas I fed my body a little too much and it grew. You know what I’m saying. Maybe yours did too? Because what we feed grows. When we water and feed our houseplants, they grow rich and beautiful. When we feed our children they grow up to be big beautiful human beings. What we feed grows. So we have to ask ourselves, “What I am feeding?” I have to be honest; there are hard days with big problems that I can’t solve. As a result I feed self-pity. There are times when I look at my circumstances and I feel like I might drown. What do I feed? Self-defeat, I’m not smart enough to solve my problems. Sometimes I feel like somebody is disappointed in me and doesn’t like me. Maybe I’ve done something wrong. What do I feed? I feed unworthiness. I’m not good enough, not likeable. So what do…
Posted in: beauty and joy, beauty in God's creation, desires, disappointments, Eat God's word, empty soul, feeling good, God's creation, God's promises are true, happy heart, Heavenly Father, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, pity, presence of God, rest, self-defeat, take care of your heart, thankful, transformation, unlovable, What we feed grows
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