Blog: suffering
Posted: September 5, 2025
It’s shocking to walk down Aisle 5 of your favourite grocery store and have to restrain yourself from buying your spouses’ favorite pickles or seasonings. In that moment the harsh reality hits once again; the life you’ve known and loved is gone. It’s a punch in the gut. And now you’re shopping for one instead of two. You get to buy all the items that make you happy, but the happiness has vanished. But happiness has vanished. Another painful moment is buying birthday, anniversary or Christmas cards. You’re drawn to a card that says: “Happy Birthday from Both of Us.” But there is no “both” it is now just you. I loved being a “we” and did not want to reclaim my personal identity. So much of being a couple is intertwined: “we love this restaurant,” “we love vacationing in Europe,” “we love going to church together.” I am no…
Posted in: all alone, alone, becoming, brokenness, companionship, darkness, death, empty soul, finding yourself, From WE to ME, Good Marriage, grief, grief changes us, grief is lonely, grief is unpredictable, happiness, Hope, loneliness, mourn, Move on, new identity, Prayer, suffering, sympathy, trust God for today, weeping
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Posted: August 8, 2025
One of my simple pleasures is walking in the rain. Without hat, umbrella or rain proof coat; rain running down my face and soaking my body. Especially in the summer when the sun makes the rain sweet and warm. It refreshes and it feels like I’ve been washed from the inside out. But I lost that simple pleasure when grief knocked me flat on my face, broken and unable to get up on my own. I lost almost all my simple pleasures. Reading, enjoying a long sleep-in, a fresh cup of coffee, decorating my home and writing. When I looked in the mirror my eyes were no longer a bright blue, they turned grey. Every day was simply survival. I just wanted it to stop. While going through intense grief it feels like it will last forever. From our self-imposed inner reality we believe this is our new normal and…
Posted in: ask God, barefoot in the rain, beauty and pain coexist, beauty in God's creation, blessings, care, cry, darkness, death, despair, disappointments, empty soul, feeling bad, find the simple joys, gloomy days, God's creation, God's promises are true, goodness of God, grief changes us, grief is lonely, grief is temporary, grief is unpredictable, Hope, live one day at a time, mourn, new normal, scars are beautiful, scars are breautiful, scars heal, scars help us to remember, seasons of darkness, second chances, Simple, suffering, time doesn't heal, Uncategorized
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Posted: July 7, 2025
An emotional lightning bolt hit me on the golf course. I saw the backside of a man about Jack’s age, wearing a Puma golf hat, with black golf shorts and a blue shirt. That’s exactly what Jack always wore. My heart started to pound; I stopped and couldn’t take my eyes off him. I’m not crazy. Of course I knew it wasn’t Jack. My brain knows Jack died a long time ago. But our grief saturated minds can play powerful tricks on our feelings. The desire to see our loved ones again is so powerful, our hearts become irrational with that deep longing. We’re not crazy we’re just sad. Some smells and sounds trigger emotional responses that are quite shocking. Jack and I had a favorite restaurant which is quite expensive, so we went there only on special occasions. Months after Jack died a family member (who didn’t now it…
Posted in: alone, ask God, breathing, brokenness, circumstances, cry, darkness, death, despair, disappointments, emotional recovery, emotional triggers, empathy, Encouragement, feeling bad, grief affects the brain, grief changes us, grief is lonely, grief is misunderstood, grief is unpredictable, Hope, live one day at a time, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, refining process, seasons of darkness, Self-compassion, special kind of love, suffering, take care of your heart, time doesn't heal, trauma, we need each other
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Posted: June 3, 2025
I often hear grieving people say: “No one ever told me it would be like this. One moment you feel composed, like you may be able to handle it. The next, a smell, song or the name of a restaurant strikes like lightening.” There is no logic to grief. Nogrie timeline, seven steps or neat stages to follow to get you through the most painful journey you will ever take. I call it the grief monster. It has different colours, voices and moods. It’s like a cycle that loops, jumps, surprises and shifts. Grief is a monster that comes out of nowhere. I believe that is why people shy away from us because they don’t know what to do with us or what to say. It seems all wrong. Of course people want to support us but most often words fall short and well-meaning cliches, Bible verses or quotes feel…
Posted in: adversity, alone, anxiety, brokenness, cry, darkness, disappointments, good shepherd, grief, grief affects the brain, grief changes us, grief is lonely, grief is misunderstood, grief is unpredictable, Hope, hurting world, loneliness, Overcoming Struggles, relationships, resilience, seasons of darkness, suffering
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Posted: December 10, 2023
It was May 2020 and three months had gone by without me receiving any human connection or a hug. The isolation of Covid did that to us. We were saving lives by locking ourselves up in our homes; so they said. Being single, an extrovert and someone who thrives on the companionship and joy of being with other people, I was slowly dying inside. It was the end of May and I agreed to meet my friend Joanne to remove rocks in preparation of a horse compound. We arrived together, got out of our cars, looked both ways (to make sure nobody was watching us hug) and hugged like crazy. It felt so good and right, and tears flowed down my cheeks. Oh the power of a loving hug. When we’re thrown in jail for a crime we’ve committed, the biggest punishment is being put into solitary confinement. Society knows…
Posted in: alone, alone at Christmas, Christmas, companionship, Covid-19, failure to thrive, happiness needs to be shared, hugs, isolation, loneliness epidemic, power of hugs, singleness at Christmas, suffering, we need each other
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Posted: September 11, 2022
Over the past few years my grandson Brandon and I, have started a wonderful and fruitful tradition of canning peaches. It’s hard work, we get very sweaty but it’s also fun and the results are so rewarding and meaningful. This year I discovered a little more about the life of a peach. Firstly, the harsh winter froze many peach buds, making it a very limited peach harvest. Thus doubled the price of peaches. But thankfully I have a great relationship with the family that owns a fruit stand down the road from where I live and I was able to get quite a few pounds of this desired fruit. Here’s what I discovered. Here’s what I discovered: Some were not able to survive the long, cold and dark winter. The fruit that did survive the winter took a longer time to ripen. Even though we’re at the end of the…
Posted in: adversity, alone, bitterness, canning peaches, decisions, don't give up, endurance, graft into Jesus, grief, meaningful, pathway through wilderness, pray, resilience, seasons of darkness, seasons of life, something new, suffering, sweet fruit, troubles, trust Good
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Posted: April 10, 2022
It’s been years since I attended an “in home” Baby Shower, but I was honoured to be at one this past weekend. Covid sabotaged so many celebrations but once again we are able and privileged to come into each other’s homes and celebrate with joy and laughter. And there was an abundance of that. That’s what the anticipation of new life evokes. Joy, dreams, hopes and plans. We didn’t talk about messy diapers and all night feedings, but focused on the smell, softness and cuddliness of a tiny miracle creation. I also got to hold a four-week old baby, and what is it about the sweetness of the smell? The sweetness of holding a baby! Sunday morning as I drove into church I noticed the magnolias trees were in full bloom. Oh my heart, the beauty of the pink/fuchsia being a sign of the emergence of a new season. It…
Posted in: adversity, Anticipation, ask God, beauty and pain coexist, Christ in us, disappointments, each day has enough troubles of its own, happy heart, laughter, new birth, Overcoming Struggles, suffering, waiting
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Posted: March 8, 2021
Let’s face it; we don’t like being thrust out of our comfort zone. But if we knew that adversity revealed our destiny and freedom, how would we handle life differently? Even when we can’t see it, it’s when we’re in the fire of adversity where we become more beautiful from the inside out. It’s in the firestorms of life where we find our freedom. How is that possible? In the book of Daniel there were three young men named Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego who disobeyed King Nebuchadnezzar’s orders and were thrown into the fiery furnace. The King ordered the strongest men of his army to securely tie up the three disobedient protestors and throw them into the blazing furnace. Did you notice there were tied up? Because when they came out of the furnace they were unscathed, and the only item that burned were the ropes binding them together. And,…
Posted in: adversity, ask God, beauty and joy, Beauty from the Inside Out, fiery furnace, fiery furnae, Freedom, fresh joy, grace, joy, Offenses, pain, people pleasing, perfectionism, refined like silver, suffering
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Posted: November 24, 2019
I’ve known her for forty-two intimate years and call her “she.” By the skin of her teeth I saved her from being discarded and thrown into a dumpster. This beat up, rickety, paint splattered ladder became an important part of our family’s life. After I cleaned her up and gave her two coats of dazzling white, she was the focal point at Christmas. Covered in garland, treasures and gift bags she stood out as the “belle of Christmas”. Two weeks before Christmas in 1994 when my first husband Dick died playing basketball we ran out of spots to place funeral flowers. Friends used the rungs of the ladder to place flowers, and I was horrified so see “her” being desecrated as a reminder of darkness and pain instead of Christmas joy. After I was remarried to my beloved Jack, it was time to face the reality of reviving Christmas and…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Christmas, Christmas joy, Christmas ladder, circumstances, decisions, from glory to glory, God's love, God's promises, God's promises are true, Jesus, joy, recapture your joy, refined like silver, refining process, suffering, transformatin, transformation, trust Good
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Posted: July 7, 2019
I’ve earned the “School of Hard Knocks” degree of being a Grief Expert through no choice of my own. After being widowed twice, losing my dad through ALS, my mother through myelodysplasia plus a myriad of other loses; I’ve heard every encouraging, and not so, encouraging word. After reading that wonderful article by Celeste Headlee in her Huffpost article, I wanted to add a few of my personal favourites. Please don’t berate yourself if you find your words in any of the following scripts. Grief is the most painful feeling we encounter while we walk this earth. It’s outrageously personal. It’s love with no place to go. It’s awkward. It’s the walking wounded and nothing you say is right or wrong or will make it better. I love it when people try to say something, instead of not making eye contact or walking away. I’ve been one of the fortunate…
Posted in: alone, Christ, cry, death, Encouragement, friends, God's love, grief, Heavenly Father, honesty, joy, Kindness, laugh, listen, love never fails, pain, pray, relationships, smile, suffering
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