Blog: Friendship
Posted: August 13, 2016
After 30 years of being married I finally learned that respect is a husband’s greatest need. Finally, I found the perfect formula for a marriage and of course, it’s in the Bible: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy…” (Ephesians 5:25). It goes on to say: “…and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). If this simple but challenging principle is lived out, especially during difficult seasons, it is a sound solution for a happy marriage. It saddens me to see marriages breaking up because of selfishness and a sense of entitlement that says: “He/she is not making me happy and meeting my needs, and I don’t want to be married anymore.” First of all, we are the only one responsible for our happiness. It will astound us that when we show respect to our husbands the…
Posted in: communicate, companionship, decisions, Expectations, Friendship, fulfillment, Good Marriage, happiness, Harmony, Making Wise Choices, power of words, Respect, Understanding each other
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Posted: July 25, 2016
Lately I spent a lot of time with “little people” who love a packed fun filled day. Halfway through a swim, card game or mini golf expedition they become restless and the question of the hour is always, “So nana, what are we going to do next?” Grownups are not much different. We’re always talking about the “next best golf game, next vacation, next big pay cheque” and on and on. We are living in an era of over-abundance and it is hurting us. When we allow over-abundance for little people, we instil selfishness, narcissism and an attitude of entitlement. Who wants to be around that type of whiney, unhappy children? Unfortunately as grown-ups we continue to have that restless nature. Sadly, those character traits don’t bode well in a marriage relationship. Our wedding vows did not say, “Love, cherish and honour until we become restless and look for…
Posted in: Christ, Commitment, companionship, Control, Expectations, Friendship, fulfillment, Good Marriage, happiness, Kindness, Life of Jesus, marriagechallenge, narcissistic, restless, selfish, true love
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Posted: June 14, 2016
Statistics explain that resentment is the number one killer of marriages. That may seem shocking or surprising but think about it this way. Two people come into an intimate relationship with different personalities, unspoken expectations, various cultural backgrounds and wanting the other person to make them blissfully happy. The silent, toxic killer is the “unspoken expectation.” For example: You’ve had a crushing day at work, gritted your teeth through the traffic jams, picked up groceries on your way and now it’s time to make a healthy family meal. Your husband picked up the children and by the time you arrive home everyone is hungry, tired and crabby. While you are trying to cook a meal, empty the dishwasher and keep the children happy, your husband is laying back on the recliner checking CNN news and Sports Illustrated. Every time you look over your feel taken for granted, frustrated and angry….
Posted in: communicate, Expectations, Friendship, good conversation, Good Marriage, Harmony, honesty, Intimacy, Listening, Resentment, SEX, true love, Understanding each other
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Posted: May 7, 2016
When life gets tough we need to know there is an escape hatch. We all need a safe place where we kick off our shoes, stop the pretend and rummage through the fridge for some comfort food. We long for someone to look us in the eyes and ask, “Honey, did you have a hard day?” “Tell me what happened today.” It’s important for us that the other person puts down their hand held device, pours us a favourite drink and then listens. Our souls crave to be accepted for who we are. We don’t need more judgment or further expectations. Our homes need to be that safe haven where we find acceptance, beauty, understanding and love. It’s the place where face-to-face communication matters more than keeping up with social media. It doesn’t matter if you life in a 800 square foot condo, a mobile home, a fixer upper or…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty Unleashed, blessing, Communication, companionship, Encouragement, entertainment, Expectations, Freedom, Friendship, happiness, happy, havens, heart of God, homes, hospitality, Life of Jesus, Listening
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Posted: March 16, 2016
We have needs. We need food to stay alive. Sleep to stay healthy, focused and refreshed. Money to buy necessities. But we also have deep emotional needs that must be met. This is more than our “love languages”; this digs below the surface to see how our needs and love languages marry up. For example, I know my three love languages are: Acts of service, words of affirmation and physical touch. But here is an example of how those are connected with my needs: Acts of Service turn into – “When I ask for help I really need it!” I love it when Jack washes my car or picks up some groceries. Those beautiful, loving gestures respond to my love language. But my NEED is somewhat different. I am a very independent woman and don’t need help very often but when I do ask for it, I really NEED you…
Posted in: Acts of Service, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, companionship, Encouragement, Expectations, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Listening, love, needs, true love, Valued
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Posted: February 12, 2016
This may shatter your illusion of what I stand for, but I am the “Valentine Grinch”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to steal the love out of Valentines Day, in fact I’m trying to bring it in and set it right. Did you notice? As soon as the Christmas decorations are put away, the stores are covered in red and white. Valentine decorations, cards, trinkets, chocolates and every kind of knicky-knack under the sun cover the shelves of almost every store you walk into. This has nothing to do with love. I’m against the deceptive lure of feeling guilt if I don’t buy into this lavish, expensive and slick marketing ploy. I rebel against paying double the price for flowers and sitting in overcrowded expensive restaurants. Instead, I am all for buying into loving my husband every day of the year. Not out of guilt, but out of…
Posted in: companionship, Expectations, Friendship, gifts, Good Marriage, happiness, Harmony, Listening, love, meaningful, time, true love, valentines
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Posted: September 5, 2015
Vulnerability. Some men run from it and most women secretly crave it. For some people it leads to anxiety, and if there is shame involved, it can actually plummet to disconnection. But in order to have healthy, vibrant relationships in marriages and friendships we have to be open and vulnerable. This freeing revelation came to me in a comical moment in a fashionable women’s clothing store. I was enjoying the 50% off the last sale price moment when I heard this conversation behind me. One woman said: “I really like it, but it’s too tight on my top. You know I think as I grow older my bust is growing bigger.” Then my head whipped around as I head the sale clerk’s response.” That’s right, they do grow bigger as we get older. In fact the three things on our bodies that keep growing are our busts, noses and ears.”…
Posted in: Communication, Friendship, Good Marriage, honesty, Intimacy, Making Wise Choices, Understanding each other, vulnerability, vulnerable
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Posted: April 6, 2015
I attended a joyful celebration this past weekend, a wedding shower. The evening was electric with laughter, games and anticipation for a glorious marriage. I made a point of sitting with several “older” women who had been married for a long time and I wanted to hear why their marriages had been so successful over the years. Firstly, let me say that we all agreed it was more difficult to maintain a healthy marriage these days because of all the distractions, options, wants and yes…selfishness. But here are some of the things we discussed that helped to maintain the friendship, love and companionship in a marriage. Going into the marriage agreeing: “divorce is simply not an option.” There is no plan “B”, it only plan “A”. (There is a disclaimer for abusive marriages). Letting go of some selfish expectations. For example: One woman told me she had expectations of what…
Posted in: Balancing life, Commitment, Communication, companionship, Differences, Encouragement, Expectations, Friendship, fUN, Good Marriage, Harmony, Laughter, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Understanding each other, Valued, weddings
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Posted: March 3, 2015
There is one interruption that I know would put a huge smile on my face. Imagine this. It’s my birthday coming up and my husband gives me a simple card and an umbrella. Inside the card it says this. “I hear it rains in Paris at this time of the year.” It would take me but a minute to go down into the basement and get my suitcase. Most interruptions are not pleasant and come at inopportune times and have the possibility to wreck our ideal life. I’m not talking about the little annoyances like running out of gas in the middle of winter or spilling coffee all over your new white shirt. I’m talking about interruptions that change the course of our hopes and dreams. For Instance: One of your unemployed children is moving back home. You just discovered that your spouse is addicted to pornography. Your children are…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Commitment, Communication, companionship, Conflict, Encouragement, Finding Truth, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Laughter, Listening, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Peace, pornography, power of words
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Posted: February 13, 2015
How can we bulletproof our marriages in a culture that is too busy to spend intimate time with the people we love? Rick Warren in his best selling book, “What on Earth Am I Here For?” says that the way to spell LOVE is T.I.M.E. I totally agree! Last weekend I had the privilege and JOY to speak to a group of families with young children about taking TIME to re-connect with our spouses and children. Let me share my points: T. TAKE TIME TO LOOK UP AND DIG DOWN It’s time to lay down our technology; look into each other’s eyes and engage in intimate, honest and meaningful conversation. We also need to dig down behind the words and our emotions to find out what the other person is really saying. For example, when a wife says: “Don’t touch me”, it could mean: “You said you would take out…
Posted in: Balancing life, Communication, companionship, Differences, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith, Finding Truth, Freedom, Freedom from Busyness, Friendship, fUN, God' Love, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Kindness, Laughter, Life of Jesus, Listening, love, Making Wise Choices, Pain Pleasure, Patience, Peace, Pleasure, power of words, Resentment, self gratification
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