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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE- “What I’ve Learned So Far”

Posted: June 23, 2012

Today I am celebrating sixteen, fulfilling, joyful years of marriage. Yes, this is my second marriage. My first husband died suddenly two weeks before Christmas while he was playing basketball. This utterly shattered my life and I clearly recall thinking I would never experience happiness again. I remember looking in the mirror and seeing my once blue, sparkly eyes, now dull grey, lifeless and heavy with sadness. The future seems endless and meaningless.

For those of you are going through a season of sadness or grief through the loss of death, divorce or separation; please hang on dear ones. Joy does come again in the morning. Our God is a God of restoration and second chances.  Even though it does not feel like joy right now, believe it, pray for it and wait expectantly. But I am a firm believer in that we “must never waste our pain.” If it has not taught me anything, then I went through that for nothing. Here are just a few examples of what I have learned being married “the second time around.”

1.         Accept each other just the way you are. The bible says it so clearly and emphatically. Conduct yourselves with all humility, gentleness, and patience. Accept each other with love” (Eph. 4:2 Common English Bible). This is the hardest and most important component of any relationship.  My husband accepts me and loves me without trying to change me. That is one of the greatest gifts anyone has given me. Acceptance says: “I love you just the way you are.”

2.         Listen to each other. When we listen with our eyes, ears and hearts engaging in our conversations, we accept each other and are actually saying: “You are important enough for me to listen to your words.” This validates our feelings and affirms our value as a human being.

3.         Be kind to each other. We live in a harsh, complicated and unkind world.  We need a little kindness to put joy back into our days. Kindness says: “You are important enough for me to stop the busyness of my day and pay a little attention to you.”
4.            Do something nice for each other. This is more than just being nice, it is about doing something nice. I know my husband loves deviled egg sandwiches with pickles and onions. I stopped what I was doing today to make him his favorite lunch. He will in turn wash my car, take my clothes to the dry cleaners or rub my feet when I am tired. It’s these small “nice things” that change our love from just feeling it, to actually doing something to show it.

5.         Overlook small, petty irritations. Yes there are things in life that irritate me, but I have to realize I also do a lot of things that irritate other people. When my husband does things that are irritating (yes we all do), I try to close my mouth, look the other way and focus on all his wonderful qualities. When we chip away at our spouses at all the things that irritate us, we are in fact saying, “I don’t like this about you…and maybe I don’t even like you.”

Next week I will give you 5 more tips. In the meantime, soak up these 5 great points and see which ones you can work on during the next week. I would love it if you would drop me a line and tell me how YOU are doing.




Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Encouragement, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Kindness, Listening, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pleasure, Prayer, Respect, Understanding each other

0 responses to “UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE- “What I’ve Learned So Far””

  1. Brenda says:

    These are all wonderful tips, and I will work on them during the week and on an ongoing basis. Thank you for the great advice!

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