Blog: Beauty from the Inside Out
Posted: April 19, 2012
I am going out on a limb and making a radical declaration: “You can enrich your marriage in 5 minute increments.” You are probably thinking, “This is too good to be true!” No, this actually works because I stumbled across this miraculous piece of puzzle in my first marriage. It worked so well that over the years I have incorporated into my present marriage, and other relationships. One of the biggest, hurtful, destructive obstacles in marriages is that people simply don’t listen to each other. Let’s face it; we hear what we want to hear. We sift out the stuff that hurts too much, the words that we think don’t apply to us or seem irrelevant to the situation. Women have to say everything with too many words, tears, drama and emotions. Men sometimes don’t say anything at all. Over time, we learn to edit our conversations, stuff away hurt…
Posted in: Anticipation, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Encouragement, Expectations, Expectations, Finding Truth, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Listening, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Patience, Pleasure, Power of the Tongue, Respect, Tension, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: April 7, 2012
My heart was heavy and my feet felt like lead as I shuffled my way down the hallway of our local General Hospital. My mother had fallen again and this time I was not sure that we would fully recover. Beside me in the hallway was a young woman with the same plodding footsteps, shoulders slumped; and she was carrying a plastic bag that revealed items meant to cheer up and encourage a sick person. Then I heard the shout behind me, “Be strong princess, I love you!” It was the shout of either her husband or significant other. Instantaneously her footsteps became lighter and her body became straighter. She turned around, smiled and walked on. To hear those words in that defining moment almost brought tears to my eyes. This man knew just the right thing to say. Women are emotional creatures who feel pain deeply. OK sometimes we…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Encouragement, Finding Truth, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Patience, Pleasure
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Posted: March 30, 2012
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” Did we really sing and believe those words when we were young? Now that we’re all grown up we know the truth: that the bruises from the physical pain will go away, but the sting from hurtful words sear our hearts indefinitely. To this day there are words that still reverberate in my mind: “You’re not so hot!” “OOOWW…you’re so skinny.” ( I wish someone would say that to me today), or “You’re not smart enough.” For many years those words shaped my life. I had a crushing conversation with someone this week that precipitated me writing this blog. This conversation was with a man, in his mid forties who had just ended his 3rd marriage. As aghast as I was, I found my voice long enough to ask him why all these marriages ended, and had…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Power of the Tongue, Respect, Self-Control, Valued
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Posted: March 9, 2012
There is no greater, delicious, exciting emotion than anticipating some future pleasure. I love to go out to a favorite restaurant with a group of friends and scour the menu with the anticipation of a tantalizing, scrumptious meal. Often times the anticipation is better than the actual result, but that is the crux of sweet anticipation. For the past six months Jack and I have been anticipating our “spring get-away”. Remembering the enjoyment of our past experiences gets us geared up to book flights, buy new golfing clothes, look for books to read as we lay by the pool, and check out new and fun activities. The six months of preparation is the actual daily sweet anticipation of something so delightful. We all need to anticipate something enjoyable. Without the hope of something pleasurable in the future, we get tired, grumpy, irritated and we lose the zest for everyday life. …
Posted in: Anticipation, Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Freedom from Busyness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Making Wise Choices, Pleasure, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: February 24, 2012
I could see it on his face. The uninterested, bored, glaringly unavailable demeanor that said, “Leave me alone.” I kept glancing over at this man looking for signs of interest; but also to observe to see how his wife was handling this evident, dead space. My husband Jack and I were out for an intimate, beautiful dinner at one of those restaurants where the linens are crisp, the goblets are gleaming and the service is impeccable. This was a place for cozy, friendly and loving conversation. I was hoping the couple beside us would also capture the essence of this gift, but the vacant space between them was tangibly strained. I was sensitive to this emotional vacancy because I had occasionally felt it in my first marriage. It’s a horribly, lonely and unloving atmosphere to be in; but it doesn’t have to be that way. Here’s the crazy part. It…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, Encouragement, Finding Truth, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Prayer, Respect, Tension, Uncategorized, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: February 17, 2012
My husband Jack and I have a blended family of 5 children, and 9 grandchildren. They are all active, energetic ambitious people and they either go to school or live in different cities all across Canada and parts of the United States. We feel very helpless when our children call us and let us know there is some kind of trouble; perhaps illness, struggles in school, feeling overwhelmed, financial breakdown or a divorce. We feel vulnerable because we are not there to help them. Fourteen years ago, this feeling of helplessness caused us to make a decision that has empowered our lives in a way we could never have imagined. Jack and I made a radical, bold choice to meet each morning for bible reading and prayer. We could never have anticipated the beauty and power of our morning encounters. The bible tells us that: “The earnest prayer of a…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty through Boldness, Communication, Encouragement, Fear, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Overwhelmed and Undervalued, Prayer, Respect, Tension, Uncategorized, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: February 11, 2012
The most beautiful love can be expressed right in the middle of our biggest messes. I found that out again last night as I was on my knees unleashing a violent stomach flu. Each time I got out of bed to “unleash” more supper; my husband was at my side holding my forehead and rubbing my back. Every trip out of bed he walked with me, steadied and comforted me. Today I am still in bed (with my computer) but he is out conducting a funeral on one hour’s sleep. That’s love. It’s easy to be in love when the lights are turned down low, candles burning, roses sitting in the middle of the table and Josh Groban or Leonard Cohen crooning love songs in the background. Love comes easy when everything is going our way, everyone is in a good mood and there is enough money in the bank…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, messes, Overcoming Struggles, Patience, Respect, Tension, Valued
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Posted: February 4, 2012
There are at least 10 ways to kill a marriage without realizing you are doing it. I am a big believer of looking at all the positive, grateful aspects in every relationships; especially marriages. But today I am going to give you a list of DON’TS that will be your guideline to surviving sabotage. The 10 items I am going to list are aspects of behavior that were modeled for you and you have learned to follow. These were the people who had influence in your life such as our parents, teachers, magazines, TV sitcoms, movies, neighbors, siblings or even misguided bible teaching. But we all have to let go of old belief systems that are simply not working for us. 1. DON’T: Hide your resentment. Every time you feel hurt, overlooked, rejected or unloved, don’t smile and tuck it away. Each resentment that is not dealt with is like…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Patience, Resentment, Respect, Tension, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: January 20, 2012
There must be a bit of Cinderella syndrome in us. I confess that every once in a while I love to curl up with my duvet and watch several episodes of Say “yes” to the Dress. I know it’s corny; but there is something magical about watching a woman emerge from a dressing room in a vision of sequence, pearls, silk and layers of beading and stitched elegance. It’s what we envisioned, talked about, practiced from the time we were little girls. Even though we may have already experienced our own enchanted, glorious wedding day, we can still live vicariously through a T.V. show. Unfortunately getting our husbands to watch a show with endless wedding dresses was not part of his wedding vows when we exchanged promises to honor, cherish and obey. Neither did we agree to sign up for watching football three days a week. Don’t get me wrong;…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Respect, Tension, Understanding each other
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Posted: December 18, 2011
A number of years ago I had an insightful, explosive conversation with a group of men that I work with. It started out as a simple conversation about Christmas preparations. It got more specific as we started to define “what the women do, and the things men do to help out with all the responsibilities.” It got animated and intense as the men got defensive about helping out and then all of a sudden it got real quiet. One of the men made this statement, “I don’t do Christmas stuff; on Christmas morning I show up!” I had to breathe and tell myself, “Back up Heidi and walk away…walk away!” Generally speaking, for many women Christmas preparations have become an intense journey of “climbing the Christmas Hill.” It starts somewhere in November (or earlier if you’re more organized than I am) and begins with the climb towards completing all the…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Freedom from Busyness, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Patience, Resentment, Respect, Tension, Understanding each other, Valued
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