When Life Suddenly Shatters-Heidi McLaughlin
Posted: October 30, 2025
Wh
en a beloved spouse dies suddenly, the world stops in an instant. One moment life is full of laughter, anticipation, conversation and plans for the day. The next moment everything shatters. Everything feels unfamiliar. People are talking but nothing makes sense. There is the noise of ambulances, paramedics, machines and tension-filled voices. But in my mind, everything has stopped and I am in my own world of silence. Something has just happened where I know life will never be the same again. This is what happened to both of my beloved husbands.
The next morning you wake up and are faced with a life you never wanted.
People ask me which is harder. When someone dies slowly through cancer or a long-term illness, or the sudden death where they are gone in seconds? They are both the hardest things we will ever go through, but they are different. Sudden death shatters our sense of safety and everything you trusted about the world. The body and brain respond as if you have been physically threatened, because in many ways you have. Our emotional and relational foundation has violently been stripped away. With a slow and prolonged death there is time to grieve, say the last words of love and affirmation.
And share your last good-bye.
I did not understand grief and was shocked when diagnosed with PTSD after my second husband Jack died. You see, I never truly recovered from the death of my first husband Richard who died playing basketball 2 weeks before Christmas in 1994. And I had to go to the morgue to identify his body. Then my second husband Jack died in my kitchen going for a cup of coffee and when he dropped, he took his last breath while I was doing CPR on him. Two shocking traumatic deaths were enough to shatter my world, body and soul. We do not realize what trauma does to our brain and body. When a loss is so traumatic our body and soul continue to expect danger. This can lead to insomnia, hypervigilance, muscle tension, anxiety and exhaustion. It took a lot of trauma counselling, medication, prayer and loving family and friends to get me back on my feet.
Loving and kind friends are the hands and feet of Jesus.
These are my loving words to you to help you realize that your grief may be more than just deep sadness. Perhaps there is some trauma associated with the death of your beloved. You need more help than you realize. No one truly understands the depth of your pain and how long it takes to heal. Find a Grief Share group near you, a counsellor and even someone at your church who will do prayer counselling with you.
There is still life out there for you to fully live.
May God be with you during this unfamiliar and pain journey.
