UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE- “Checkin In”
Posted: August 8, 2011
Dentists remind us of our checks ups so that we don’t get rotten teeth; we go to the doctor so that he can find diseases before they kill us, and girls; we need to have regular mammograms. If we don’t schedule these assessments, one day we may find our bodies in need of serious medical care. It’s no different with our cars or pets; so why would we overlook the most valuable part of our lives on this planet…our husbands?
I did a check-in with my husband on our vineyard walk this week, and realized we had been missing a fun component that got lost in the distractions and demands of life; our trips to Seattle for the Washington Huskies football games. As soon as I mentioned this forgotten dream, his face lit up like a socket; and the minute we walked in the door of our home he got on the computer and bought our tickets for this coming fall. It put a new energy in his step and gave us an adventure to anticipate and plan for. We both love those football games but they had been put on the back burner for the last few years because of “other stuff.” You know what I’m talking about; the regular, daily obligations that crowd out those components that keep a marriage fun, alive and creative.
If you haven’t done this for some time, it can be kind of scary to peek into an area that’s been covered and safety tucked away for a while. So here are 3 burning questions you need to ask each other:
- “How are we doing?”
- “Is there an area you/I can improve in?”
- “What plan can we make to put new fun into our marriage?”
Three other suggestions to help you down this path:
- Schedule it for a time when both of you are relaxed and open for discussion.
- Prepare a place that is safe, comfortable and without distractions.
- Make a deliberate decision NOT get defensive, or start blaming and remember to do whatever it takes to guard your words with acceptance, love and kindness.
If you happen to unleash hidden monsters, remember this is all about looking for solutions and not about a power struggle. You are both laying your hearts open on the table for examination, so there might be some surgery required. But the purpose of this little exercise is to grow a healthy marriage; one that is full of energy, love and helping each other to become better people.
“Here is a gorgeous, powerful reminder from the Bible”
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others” (Colossians 3:13 NLT).
If you feel yourself getting angry or defensive, remember there are always 3 sides to each story; yours, his and the right one.
