Smells, Sights and Sounds of Grief-by Heidi McLaughlin
Posted: July 7, 2025
An emotional lightning bolt hit me on the golf course. I saw the backside of a man about Jack’s age, wearing a Puma golf hat, with black golf shorts and a blue shirt. That’s exactly what Jack always wore. My heart started to pound; I stopped and couldn’t take my eyes off him. I’m not crazy. Of course I knew it wasn’t Jack. My brain knows Jack died a long time ago. But our grief saturated minds can play powerful tricks on our feelings. The desire to see our loved ones again is so powerful, our hearts become irrational with that deep longing.
We’re not crazy we’re just sad.
Some smells and sounds trigger emotional responses that are quite shocking. Jack and I had a favorite restaurant which is quite expensive, so we went there only on special occasions. Months after Jack died a family member (who didn’t now it was our favorite restaurant) made a reservation for us to eat there. It’s been a few months, surely, I’ll be OK by now. It might actually be nice to eat there and reclaim some of those beautiful and meaningful memories. But instead I felt like I had been hit by a scud missile. The aroma of the fresh cuisine, the music and seeing our favorite table almost made me double over with emotional pain and nausea. Come on Heidi, buck up you can do this.
There is a time to buck up and a time to buckle.
I excused myself and went to bathroom to muster up some emotional recovery. Thank God by now I’d learned about panic breathing which I put into action and soon my body felt calm. I endured the next two hours. I chewed my food but could barely swallow.
Time has passed and I’ve ventured back into that restaurant numerous times. Those painful images and smells have turned into precious memories of spending time with my beloved Jack. I no longer feel like I’ve been hit in the gut. I am grateful for the moments we shared celebrating those special events. They are a gift that no one can take away.
Time alone doesn’t heal grief.
The passing of time does help, but it doesn’t fully heal. As we slowly rebuild our lives, create new events, find joy in relationships and venture into new directions, those painful sights, sounds and smell become sweet memories. Yes, we always remember our grief but are also thankful that we were privileged to have the kind of love that not everyone gets to experience. Yes, we may always want them back, but we’ve had our special moments in time that can never be taken away.
2 responses to “Smells, Sights and Sounds of Grief-by Heidi McLaughlin”
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As someone who had been widowed for 9 months, your words reflected my feelings. I recently attended a concert by our favourite gospel music group and instead of enjoying it, fought tears the entire time. You’ve encouraged me to try again, rather than avoid these events.
Tandy thank you for your comments and sharing your experience with me. I write about grief once a month and I hope that my other posts will help you as well. I’ve lost 2 husbands and have known the depth of grief. We need to help each other through this dark valley of grief. God be with you and continue to heal you and give you hope. Lovingly, Heidi