Why are we Lonely?-by Heidi McLaughlin
Posted: May 7, 2026
“You don’t have an Apple watch?” With a puzzled scowl my friend looked at my empty wrist. “Nope I replied confidently, and I won’t be getting one. Let me explain. There are already too many distractions that take my attention from the important things right in front of me. I don’t need the pressure to respond to yet another message that can wait.”
I believe that few things in life are that urgent.
Yes, there are a lot of important things to attend to but most of them don’t need our immediate attention. I remember a time when we had one phone in our house and if you weren’t home to answer it. Oh well, you’ll have to try again. We were not prisoners of our digital devices, instead we made time to connect with our eyes and conversations. We shared meals, played games, stopped at each other’s homes for coffee and laughter. We connected with each other like the Bible tells us to in over 39 “one-another” passages.
Loneliness has quietly become one of our greatest emotional struggles.
In a world digitally connected, more than ever before women feel unseen, emotionally disconnected and isolated. Yes, women carry enormous responsibilities through caregiving, parenting, careers, ministry and financial pressures. Scrolling through social media gives the illusion of connection, while deepening comparison and emotional exhaustion. Many women are surrounded by acquaintances and other people, but still feel unseen, unsafe where they do not feel fully known.
Loneliness is not the absence of people; it’s the absence of deep connection.
I recall that deep, haunting feeling of aloneness after my husband Jack died. I thought it would be good for me to go out there with people and have some fun. What better event than a fund-raising banquet with a room filled with people, seemingly having a wonderful time. I looked around the room filled with couples, friends laughing and enjoying themselves. I had people all around me and yet I felt that no one saw me and the loneliness felt like a jagged knife to my heart. I ran to the bathroom and sobbed. That depth of loneliness was shocking and raw, and to this day I empathize with people who seem lost and alone.
Real connections happen when we become vulnerable and masks come off.
I thought perhaps loneliness emerged because of Covid-19. No, the loneliness was already there, but the Pandemic revealed and dramatically intensified it. But Covid did disrupt the rhythms that once connected us. Like gatherings, coffee dates, volunteering, community events, family and friend dinners, the workplace and more. Is this loneliness generation part of our new history or can we reclaim it? Yes, we can. But it takes intentionality and a willingness to stop scrolling, isolating and making ourselves vulnerable to connect at a deeper emotional and spiritual level. We are made for connections, and they are vital to our physical, emotional and spiritual health. We need each other. Let’s never forget that.
