← Back to Blog

UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-“Cutting down the Male Species”

Posted: June 25, 2011

This was one of the most bizarre stories I ever heard. My son-in-law Tim was telling me how he grows hybrid canola. This is what he told me, “Hybrid canola is grown in rows with the ‘females’ in one row, and the ‘males’ in adjacent rows.  Then they import honey bees and leafcutter bees to pollinate the canola.  After pollination is complete, the ‘male’ rows are mowed out, since they do not produce the desired type of seed.”

 This seems to be the sequence of events in many marriages. Man and woman fall in love, they pollinate (have babies) and once the male is no longer useful, he is being mowed down. I don’t believe I am being to brazen by saying this so bluntly, because I have heard women “mowing down men” in various, cutting ways. Once men no longer meet our expectations, we can cut them down by putting them down in a circle of friends, making jokes about them, male-bashing and pointing out their inadequacies and weaknesses.  By doing this we are emasculating them and “mowing” them down. This will kill them!

 In Shaunti Feldhanh’s book, For Women Only, she shares crucial information about how men would rather feel unloved than inadequate or disrespected. One married man put it starkly: “The male ego is the most fragile thing on the planet. Women have this thought that He’s got such a huge ego that I need to take him down a peg. No way. The male ego is incredibly fragile.”

 Once our husbands feel “mowed down”, they will begin to withdraw behind a wall that will be built, brick by brick.  How do we stop that?

STOP:

1. Catch yourself when male-bashing is going.
2. Don’t participate in male jokes.
3. Don’t put him down or make fun of him in public.
4. Don’t point out his weaknesses. He knows he’s got them; he doesn’t need you or me reminding him.
5.  Stop treating him like his mother…reminding him of everything he needs to do, what he forgot to do and what he did poorly.

START:

1. Demonstrate in private or public that you are proud of him.
2. Assume the best in him.
3. When you’ve blown it, ask for forgiveness.
4. Point out his strengths.
5. Behind every good man is a woman. You can be that woman.

Until my son-in-law Tim told me about the cross-pollination of the canola, I never really thought about how easy it is to “mow down” and kill the male species. If we want a joyful, mutually respectful marriage, we need to make sure the cross pollination is producing honey and not destruction.

 Shauntie Feldhahn, For Women Only (Atlanta, GA: Multnomah Publishers, 2004), 41

Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Kindness, Making Wise Choices, Pain Pleasure, Resentment, Understanding each other, Valued