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When Life Changes from “WE” to “ME”-By Heidi McLaughlin

Posted: September 5, 2025

It’s shocking to walk down Aisle 5 of your favourite grocery store and have to restrain yourself from buying your spouses’ favorite pickles or seasonings. In that moment the harsh reality hits once again; the life you’ve known and loved is gone. It’s a punch in the gut. And now you’re shopping for one instead of two. You get to buy all the items that make you happy, but the happiness has vanished.

But happiness has vanished.

Another painful moment is buying birthday, anniversary or Christmas cards. You’re drawn to a card that says: “Happy Birthday from Both of Us.” But there is no “both” it is now just you. I loved being a “we” and did not want to reclaim my personal identity. So much of being a couple is intertwined: “we love this restaurant,” “we love vacationing in Europe,” “we love going to church together.”  I am no longer a “we” that gets invited to couples’ events, or to dinners where couples get to play a certain card game that only needs partners.

At times it feels like I’ve been cut in half.

When a spouse dies, life feels divided into before and after. Before was sharing everything; our grocery list, family events, socializing, working in the yard and paying the bills. It was watching movies together, praying together, sharing spiritual insights and dreaming for the future. The roles we both shared now regrettably fall onto my shoulders. I didn’t ask for it, didn’t want it, but now it’s mine.  Everything was we.  After…all this togetherness suddenly shifts to the solitude of me. For a long time it was like walking through a dark valley trying to find my “me” way.

But this shift from we to me does not erase love.

This shift invites our rediscovery of our identity in Christ. Christ affirms us: “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). It means carrying that love while learning how to live a new season with God as our closest companion showing us every step of the way. While marriage was a glorious, special gift, our ultimate identity is not lost. God has to help us re-define it. As we lean on Him, He will reveal every step through spending more time in prayer and listening to His voice as He shows us the new way.

After some time we realize this pathway is not about living with half a heart, it’s allowing God to fill those empty spaces with His presence while carrying our spouse’s memory with gratitude. Over time, as healing comes, we learn to find the new me and embrace the future with fresh hope.

 

 

Posted in: all alone, alone, becoming, brokenness, companionship, darkness, death, empty soul, finding yourself, From WE to ME, Good Marriage, grief, grief changes us, grief is lonely, grief is unpredictable, happiness, Hope, loneliness, mourn, Move on, new identity, Prayer, suffering, sympathy, trust God for today, weeping