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Posted: August 15, 2011

It’s not easy being a feminine, masterpiece goddess amongst bar bells, pool tables, sweat, baseball trophies and football scores. But it’s also difficult for a man to feel like James Bond, 007 when he is surrounded by tasseled, fluffy throw pillows and pink and orange scented candles. So we have a dilemma.  Over the past number of years there has been animated talk and chuckles about the “man cave”; the escape hatch for a man from the daily demands of life.

The Urban Dictionary describes the need for a man cave this way: “A room, space, corner or area of a dwelling that is specifically reserved for a male person to be in a solitary condition, away from the rest of the household in order to work, play, and involve himself in certain hobbies, activities without interruption. This area is usually decorated by the male that uses it without interference from any female influence.”

Let’s look at this logically. It has been well noted that “the home is the reflection of a woman’s personality”, and so the reasonable conclusion from a man’s perspective is that “the woman resides in her cave already.”  It may be true that your home was largely decorated to reflect your good taste, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it has become your refuge amongst the endless dishes on the counter beside the dish washer, fruit loops on the floor, or dried up leftovers in the fridge.  It is crucial that we honor ourselves and find a “cave” where we can retreat so that we can recharge, regroup and repower. There was some good, animated discussion on our deck this last weekend about the need for caves. I believe that in order for us to have healthier, happier marriages; both parties need a “cave”.

I strongly believe a woman needs a beautiful, quiet place of refuge when the old Eddie Arnold song starts to play in her head, Make the World Go Away, and Get it off of my Shoulders. For a woman who nurtures everyone; she must nurture herself.  Create a room or space in the house that has an invisible sign that says, “Ok my darling family, when this door is closed and the DO NOT DISTURB sign it up; it means that I’m off duty.” 

My husband actually helped me create my cave which is called “Angels Corner”.  We both saw the value for me to pull away from the noise and distractions of the world, and retreat into a quiet place of refuge.  The bible tells us we need this to begin to understand, know and experience God. “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). This is a serene place where I could talk to God about my feelings, anger, disappointments and desires, and pray about my priorities, and to help me discover my daily purpose and plans for the future.  This place is without the chaotic clutter of the world and it is quiet enough for me to listen to God’s voice as I read the Bible and pray. Here I can call a girlfriend and be silly, or read a novel and escape into another dynasty. This little corner of the world gives me peace and pleasure. It is filled with angel figurines that people gave as gifts over the years, special cards, memorabilia, books on the floor and in baskets, and a chair and ottoman especially designed to fit into a corner.  It is my cave. Your cave could look something like this:

  1. 1.A room full of scrapbooking material.
  2. 2.A space filled with fabrics, jewelry pieces or canvases and paints.
  3. 3.A bathtub surrounded by candles and a hidden drawer full of chocolates and your favorite sweets.
  4. A pillow, blanket and novel tucked away in your walk in closet.
  5. Put a “Do not Disturb” sign on your bedroom or guest room. Fill the bed with pillows, pull out a novel and light some candles.
  6. It can be any quiet, tucked away place in your home or apartment. It becomes “your cave” when you label it and begin to treat it as such.

 To grow a vibrant marriage and nurture a healthy family, you need to start with the person you spend the most time with; YOU.  You don’t know where or how to start?  Google “woman cave” and you will get so excited you will want to start today.  There is no greater gift you can give yourself, your husband your family, than taking care of your soul. That happens when we retreat and listen to our hearts and God’s voice reminding us about the really important things in life.



Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Encouragement, Freedom from Busyness, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Solitude, Tension, Understanding each other

0 responses to “UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE –“Man Cave/Woman Cave””

  1. A great post…I love the part about taking care of your soul. It’s vital especially for married couples that have lost there way.
    – Coach Keith (Relationship & Marriage Coach)

  2. Hello Coach Keith, thank you for your comment. I believe in making marriages the best that they can be, and that takes creativity, wisdom and some hard work. You’re right, the “soul work” is vitally important. Blessings.

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