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Posted: March 8, 2014

Fickle feelingsThose boys hurt my feelings” pouted my little three year old granddaughter.  As we walked I held her hand and consoled her. But I must confess that inwardly I was shocked that a three year old child had the insight to express how she felt. But then again, she is female and very much in touch with her inner self.

But we have to understand that our feelings are fickle. They betray us because emotions don’t have intellect. They don’t think clearly, hardly ever steer us in the right direction and often they distort the truth.  If we try to recount an emotional incidence that happened in the past, the story has great possibility to be distorted. Why…because our emotions can be stronger than the truth. As a speaker I often make this statement because I know it to be true: “My audience may not remember what I said, but they will always know how I made them feel.”

 Think about how our feelings change when we are tired, stressed out at work, in a broken relationship, when someone has hurt us or even when we’ve had too much chocolate or other hormone enhancing intake.  I am sure we can all think of times when our feelings led us in the wrong direction…to the fridge; immoral relationship, blurting regretful words,

 So fact is we all want to be happy and feel good all the time. How does this play out in a marriage?

1.         Recognize that feelings are not always truth. Sometimes they are a good barometer and indicators that are not to be dismissed. But they do have to be checked out wisely.

2.         Don’t make decisions when you are tired. Fatigue makes cowards out of us and we are ripe for saying the wrongs words when we are vulnerable and our wise resources are depleted.

3.         Don’t let the feelings of our past pain distort the present situation.  In other words, don’t let your feelings about the bad way your mother or father treated affect the relationship with your husband and children.

4.         There are some days we won’t “feel nice.” Don’t give in to that feeling it will jeopardize your marriage.  The Bible says in James 1:8….that someone who follows his feelings “is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.”

5.         God designed us to feel pleasure.  But we must find the kind of pleasure that is good for our soul and will enhance our lives and the lives of people in our area of influence.  The word “feeling” is mentioned in the bible only 4 times, with none in the New Testament. Here is one verse:  “Like the blind we grope along the wall, feeling our way like people without eyes. At midday we stumble as if it were twilight; among the strong, we are like the dead” (Isaiah 59:20 NIV).

I believe this verse states it quite well.  When we go with only our feelings we are like people without eyes, stumbling around.

6.         If you “feel” you have fallen out of love that is probably not the truth. You have probably stopped “liking” the other person but the love is still there. Love needs to be nurtured, and truth needs to come back into why you “loved” each other when you got married.

7.         Don’t get mad at your husband if he is trying to bring logic into an emotionally wrought conversation.

8.         Try not to feel hurt every time someone says something you don’t like.  It’s not always about your or me.

We love our feelings, but let’s learn not to trust them completely. I am a woman with deep, passionate feelings and many times I have to clasp my hand over my mouth and keep it shut until my fickle feelings pass. This has saved me a lot of unnecessary pain in my workplace, family but most importantly…my darling husband. Let’s learn to work on this.


Posted in: Commitment, Communication, companionship, Finding Truth, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pleasure, power of words, Tension

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