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Posted: March 16, 2016

Man and Woman.2We have needs. We need food to stay alive. Sleep to stay healthy, focused and refreshed. Money to buy necessities. But we also have deep emotional needs that must be met. This is more than our “love languages”; this digs below the surface to see how our needs and love languages marry up.

For example, I know my three love languages are: Acts of service, words of affirmation and physical touch. But here is an example of how those are connected with my needs:

  • Acts of Service turn into – “When I ask for help I really need it!” I love it when Jack washes my car or picks up some groceries. Those beautiful, loving gestures respond to my love language. But my NEED is somewhat different. I am a very independent woman and don’t need help very often but when I do ask for it, I really NEED you to help me. This is very important to me.
  • Words of affirmation turn into – “Please listen to me not just with your ears but with your heart.” I love it when I receive affirmation and encouragement, but that is different from my NEED. When I am dealing with something difficult, hurtful or challenging, I really need my husband to listen. I need to know he understands; without judging me or trying to fix me. (Only if I ask for help:J). Often times he doesn’t have to do a thing other than just give me his ears and heart.
  • Physical touch turns into – “Hugs when I really NEED them.” I love my husband holding my hand wherever we go, or when he gives me a back rub after a stressful day. (yes there is the occasional day…even being “retired.”) But when I am sad or discouraged, I NEED him to just hold me. Don’t try to fix it, just hold me.

I think these are great examples of how important it is to have our needs met. We all have needs that must be identified so that we can have the kind of intimate marriage that brings us complete joy. So how do you go about this? Simply as your spouse “Honey, so that I can love you better, what are your top 3 needs?” They may not even know at this point, but I believe they will give it serious consideration. You see, when we know someone loves us so much that they want to meet our needs, we will have the kind of intimate marriage that God designed for us.

Posted in: Acts of Service, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, companionship, Encouragement, Expectations, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Listening, love, needs, true love, Valued

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