Grief is a Lonely Road-by Heidi McLaughlin
Posted: May 1, 2025
Never in my lifetime have I seen the faces of so much grief and loss. Not just death, but the loss of divorce, miscarriages, home, business, a child on drugs or in prison, a medical diagnosis, the loss of a hope or dream or even your church or country. When I speak to an audience ask them about their losses. Their answers rock my soul. Most people in grief feel unheard and walk alone..
For the next year I will write about grief and losses with the goal to always bring you to hope. We are not meant to grieve alone. The Bible tells us to: “Mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15).
Mourn with those who mourn.
I thought my lonely and misunderstood personal struggle of grief was mine to bear…alone. In January of 2023 I posted a Facebook meme that said: “Grief is the loneliest road you’ll ever walk.” This post got the most comments, shares and views of any of my posts I’ve done over the past ten years. I was blown away. Now I knew I was not the only one suffering alone in grief.
Why is grief lonely? It’s a deep, personal and complex experience that doesn’t fit into any timeline or predictable pattern. In short, people don’t understand you and don’t know what to do with you. When people hurt we want to “fix” them so that we all feel better. Grief is not a problem that can be solved or fixed. There’s no sound-bite of Bible verses, cliché, pat answer or seemingly well meaning words that will solve or fix the grief problem. Words like: “It’s going to be OK, or God’s got this” hurt even more because it shuts down the conversation. It leaves the griever unseen as their grief has once again been dismissed and not validated. How does anyone know if it will be OK? Yes God has this but in the moment it doesn’t feel like it. On the flip side often people don’t now what to say so they avoid any contact.
After my second husband Jack died I meandered through our local mall just to see people and find something to cheer me up. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw an acquaintance who saw me and she quickly turned away so she wouldn’t have to make contact. Until you’ve experienced this shunning you don’t know how much that hurts.
Grief is not something “we got over.” Loneliness in grief is not about needing more community or people around you. In fact it’s the opposite. Being around people can be the loneliest place. Fulfillment and healing in relationships comes from connection not community. In our grief when we can’t have a heart connection relationship with others who don’t understand or are not empathetic. Their indifference or lack of understanding sets you adrift to figure it out for yourself. When you see couples holding hands or groups of people connecting and laughing, you feel the stigma of being different, almost shameful that this horrible thing of death and loss has happened to you. People might be afraid if they get close enough this horrible thing might even happen to them.
It has been over eight years since my last husband died and so I use my personal experiences to walk along side those who are suffering silently. It’s been my long hard journey but I’ve learned so much about grief and have spent the last 6-1/2 years to help others in their grief. I’ve walked with over 400 people through their suffering and I teach and speak about grief wherever and whenever I can. Because I know how lonely grief can be.
In the past year I’ve done a lot of teaching on grief and I see the looks on the faces of the people in my audiences. I see their loneliness and how grateful they are that someone is talking to them about their lonely, personal struggles. That’s why I’m writing about it. To walk alongside those who feel misunderstood, not heard and left to suffer alone.
I don’t want you to walk alone. I will be covering many areas and topics about grief and I would love to hear your feedback and comments about how I can help you navigate this painful and lonely journey.
Heidi McLaughlin is an international author and speaker who ministers to women around the globe to empower them to be all they’ve been designed to me. Heidi has been widowed twice. The first time 2 weeks before Christmas in 1994 and again on Remembrance day in 2016. She is the mom and-step mom of a blended family of 5 children and 12 grandchildren. She lives in the beautiful vineyards in Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada.
