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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – Why Husbands Don’t Take Spiritual Leadership

Posted: March 17, 2012

“My husband will not take spiritual leadership in our home, and our family seems to be falling apart.”  It hurts me to tell you how often I hear similar statements from numerous women who are angry, fed up and feel helpless because of their husband’s apathetic attitude and lack of spiritual authority in the home. “If only he would…life would be so much better.”  I agree, but let me help you defuse your frustration by giving you insights why “Some men are bored and disinterested in church and spiritual matters.”

God designed lines of authority in this world so that government, people in authority and families can live peaceful, fruitful and harmonious lives. Men were designed to be the “god-head” of the home, because there always needs to be that one person who has final word of authority and is then accountable before God.  Somehow, over the past century, these lines of authority have become blurred.   Here’s how:

a.         After the industrial revolution and during and after World War 1 and 2, women started to earn incomes and become dominate figures in the workplace, society and the homes.

b.         At the turn of the century, pastors devised ministry programs including Sunday Schools and the teachers were-you guessed it; mostly women.

c.         Over the decades, churches feed more into the “emotional” aspect of spirituality. “Give your neighbor a hug; let’s hold hands and pray; sing worship music that feeds our emotions.”

d.         Many men see spirituality as a weakness. Men like to “fix things, build things, make money and drive big machinery.”  Many men cannot deal with all the emotion of tears, books, sermons, Bible Studies, hugging and feminism of church.

e.         Over the past 40 years, most books, Christian TV shows, Christian radio programs, bible studies, Conferences and spiritual events are geared toward women.  Women are growing in their spiritual lives and many men are being left behind in the dust.

Over time, men have lost interest and let the women take over the spiritual aspects in the home. In this generation, many men have NOT HAD SPIRITUAL LEADERSHIP MODELED FOR THEM AND THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO IT!  For many homes, this leadership was lost somewhere in the last 100 years and today men don’t know how or where to start.  So what is a woman to do? You know you can’t change you husband, so don’t even try through nagging, guilt, tears or threats.

1.         Relationships scare a man to death, but in fact they are his greatest need. Get connected with spiritual friends who are walking closely with God, and who your husband admires. There is no greater teaching tool than having “real life” modeled for us.

2.         Let your husband take the lead in prayers for meals and other prayer times. Don’t overshadow him. Even if he prays only 8 words, don’t jump in afterwards and “fix” the prayer with all our spiritual knowledge. 

3.         “Un-feminize” your spiritual home. What I mean by this is don’t overpower your husband with all the bible studies you are involved in, prayer meetings you are attending, or leaving bibles sitting around on every coffee table. You husband is aware of his lack of leadership and all this “spiritual stuff” will threaten him even more. 

4.         Create an environment in his home that makes him want to “be the man”. Encourage him and praise him in any small progress he is trying to make. He needs YOUR assurance.

5.         Don’t condemn him for his lack of spiritual authority. Condemnation will kill his spirit and shut him down.

6.         Pray, pray, pray for him. 

My dear reader, I know you all wish you had that perfect spiritual leaders in your home, but if you don’t, then understanding him will help you to love him more. Many churches are working hard to embrace and create a more masculine environment. Do the same.


Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty through Boldness, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Patience, Respect, Tension, Uncategorized, Valued

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