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Posted: October 16, 2014

Man and Woman.2Ever feel like your husband is holding something back? Well he is. Men aren’t naturally gifted at expressing themselves as women, so they will keep quiet and hold back vulnerable and sensitive subjects.  But that perception of being “emotionally distant” or “holding back secrets” can cause marriage difficulties.

So what are some of those things?

  1. “Do you like this new outfit?” If your husband doesn’t respond right away it’s because his hunter brain needs time to tune in to the finer details. Thousands of years ago he needed to spot animals from a great distance to he isn’t attuned to the finer, up-close and fashionable details. He married you because he thinks you’re beautiful and wants you to wear whatever you like to feel best in.
  2. He stays quiet to keep the peace. He might be afraid he say the wrong thing, not respond in the right way…or mess up in some way so he stays quiet.
  3. He may wish you took better care of yourself.  Yes, he loves you the way you are, and he knows your schedule is hectic and you are tired, but he might not know how to suggest for you to get out of those old jeans, baggy pants or get a new hair cut.
  4. Yes, he did look at that pretty woman. The male brain is wired to have an almost photographic memory of a beautiful woman or attractive body. As long as you’re the person he dotes on and cherishes, give him a break, because his head may have turned before his brain kicked in.
  5. Sometimes he wishes you just wouldn’t talk. Ladies, men can’t multitask and talk like we can. The male brain is linear, moving in a straight line from one task to another. Talking at work all day tires him out and he needs time alone to regroup.  So when he comes home and heads towards the newspaper or his computer screen ask him if he needs this time alone. He probably does.
  6. He may be afraid you will tell your girlfriends. Men don’t like it if they know we are telling stories about them amongst our girlfriends.  Once they know you are capable of doing this, they will begin to edit or even shut down certain conversations.
  7. He needs you to admire his strength. Even if it’s just popping off the lid from a pickle jar or assembling something difficult in your home.  He needs you to know that he is a strong man with wonderful masculine qualities.  He needs to know this but he will probably never tell you.
  8. He’s depressed. Depression has no gender bias and it can strike the most macho man. Some men are uncomfortable about showing their sad feelings as it may show weakness.  Instead it may come out as anger
  9. He is afraid of his own feelings.  Men are problem solvers and uncomfortable with feelings.  There are some feelings that they cannot put into words. They are not Neanderthals, they just don’t always know how to put words to their feelings.
  10. The biggest one. They need your respect more than anything. Of course he won’t ask, because if he has to ask it probably means you don’t have respect for him.  Treat a man with respect and he’ll probably give you the moon.

Watch his shoulders straighten up and his face light up once you begin to respect his silence and wait for the right time to talk.  But it doesn’t end there. He lovingly needs your help to know that you are a safe place so that he can begin to open up.

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