Blog: Understanding each other

UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – A GOOD WIFE

Posted: May 11, 2014

In my first marriage I was more concerned about getting my own way, rather than focusing on being a good wife.  I thought if everything went my way, I would be happy and organically I would become that good wife. Selfishness is so blind and foolish. Let’s be very clear about something. Being a good wife does not mean being a door mat or a shrinking violet. For I am neither. I am still the student in my marriage, but there are a few things I have actually learned. Take today for example: Every spring when it’s time to clean up our yard I declare that “I am not going to pick pine needles out of the lava rocks this year.”  But I see how hard my dear Jack works in the yard doing all the trimming and clean up, and I know someone has to pick up all those…

Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Commitment, Communication, companionship, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith, God' Love, Good Marriage, Kindness, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pleasure, Understanding each other

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-Nobody Can Do It like “YOU”

Posted: April 5, 2014

The movie, “I DON’T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT” (starring Sarah Jessica Parker and Pierce Brosnan) caused me to ruminate about the feminism movement in the 60’s and 70’s. Looking back I realize I was a culprit in this portion of history to make women believe they could have it all.  I was determined to do it and I was able to pull it off. But at times the fatigue almost killed me. I hope we have all learned something from the craziness of trying to juggle demanding careers, involving our children in every activity under the sun, and still keep up meaningful conversations over the dinner table. (What dinner table?)  After watching that movie it brought me to the harsh reality that “if we don’t take the take for companionship with our family, we will lose everything.”  We will lose the safety net and intimacy of our marriage, the…

Posted in: Balancing life, Boring marriage, chaos, Communication, companionship, Encouragement, Expectations, Freedom from Busyness, Friendship, fUN, Harmony, intimacy destroyer, Laughter, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pleasure, Understanding each other

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-11 THINGS WOMEN LIKE ABOUT MEN.

Posted: February 22, 2014

This is my second marriage, and I have been the only woman on management teams for over 30 years. I believe this qualifies me to take a realistic look at the good qualities in the opposite sex. One comment I hear from women over and over again: “I would rather work with men than women.”  So that shines the spotlight on some of men’s great attributes. Let’s unpack them. Generally speaking, women like men who: 1.         Are uncomplicated.  Most men are easy going and don’t sweat the small stuff. They are forthright and clear about their thoughts and their words clearly express their expectations.  They don’t use drama or emotions to achieve their goals. 2.         Don’t hang onto disagreements. I like the way men can disagree with each other and not hang onto their hurt feelings. When an issue is resolved, they slap each other on the back and carry…

Posted in: Communication, companionship, Differences, Friendship, fUN, Good Marriage, Intimacy, intimacy destroyer, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pleasure, power of words, sensitive, Uncategorized, Understanding each other

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-13 THINGS MEN LIKE ABOUT WOMEN.

Posted: February 8, 2014

The results are in and I want to share them with you.  With Valentine’s Day just around the corner I know that you are looking to give a unique gift to the love of your life.  Why not pick one of the following 13 items and surprise your man with promise to renew an area in your marriage where it might have gotten a little…sloppy? So here goes. Men like: 1.         A self-confident woman, one who is confident in her own skin. Whether she is wearing stilettos or Air Jordan runners, she happy with herself and life. A woman who exudes confidence is totally irresistible in her husband’s eyes. 2.         A women who treats men with the respect that they have earned. Nothing gives a man more self confidence than being treated by respect by the woman he loves. 3.         Consistent temperament. A man loves it when he does not…

Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Boring marriage, companionship, Expectations, Friendship, fUN, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Kindness, Laughter, love, Making Wise Choices, power of words, Respect, Uncategorized, Understanding each other

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – RETHINK: HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY

Posted: January 25, 2014

Our greatest quest in life is to be happy. I read an article in a British Columbia newspaper last week that stated: “Canada had the highest, per capita, drug usage for depression.” Many people feel that they are entitled to “living the dream” but can’t seem to achieve their dreams, their perfect marriage or the happiness that they feel they deserve. I am curious about this state of happiness. Happiness depends on our circumstances and even when we achieve our goals, dreams and the perfect life, we all know that it only last for a little while. That “happy feeling” is so fickle and fleeting. It disappears much faster than we thought it would. So we’re onto the next thing that will give us that pleasure jolt of feeling happy, happy, happy. If something disappears that quickly, surely there must be something wrong with it.. This is especially true in…

Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Boring marriage, Commitment, Communication, companionship, Expectations, Finding Truth, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Laughter, love, Making Wise Choices, Power of the Tongue, Uncategorized, Understanding each other

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-“Play the Movie Forward”

Posted: October 21, 2013

It’s a gift to be able to enjoy life by learning to live in the moment. But perhaps we’ve taken this too far. Even though we’ve overused the words “instant gratification”, I believe there is value in unpacking its dangers when it encroaches on our marriage and family life. Let me explain. Even as I am writing this, I am sitting by the bedside of my 88 year old mother who will soon come face to face with Jesus. Over the past week many of our family members have flown in to express their good-bye to this extraordinary woman.She is not extraordinary because of her many accomplishments. She never wrote a book, won any prizes, or made the newspaper headlines for some notorious act of valor or media releases.But she soaked our family with love through her unfailing prayers and gratefulness. Just this morning she softly breathed the words, “Our…

Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Commitment, companionship, Encouragement, Faith, Finding Truth, God' Love, Legacy, love, Making Wise Choices, Peace, resilient, self gratification, Understanding each other

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – When your husband is stimulated by CHAOS and you thrive on PEACE

Posted: September 6, 2013

Books can’t prepare you for this. Life is just not perfect. Real marriage starts when you wake up with someone day after day, through the laughter and the stomach flu; that you really find out who this” other person” is. While we are in the dating and “chemical stage” (pleasure chemicals flowing through our bodies) we don’t really let people know the authentic, and even darker sides of our personality. I had the great pleasure of observing a 21 year marriage recently, where the husband and wife have learned to cohabitate in chaos and in peace. The husband is stimulated by chaos. What I mean by that is that his office looks like the aftermath of a hurricane, yet he knows where everything is and everything gets all his work done successfully. While is he on his phone he is also able to fix machinery, empty a dishwasher, check invoices…

Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Boring marriage, chaos, Commitment, companionship, Conflict, Differences, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith, Friendship, fUN, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Peace, Respect, Uncategorized, Understanding each other

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE- “5 Things I Wish I Would Have Known”

Posted: August 17, 2013

This summer I took the time to watch some reality T.V. about lavish weddings and wedding dresses. I saw snippets of Say YES to the Dress, Four Weddings, and Bridezillas. Some comments that made my jaw drop were: “Ever since I was a little girls I dreamed about having this….You can’t deprive me of this.” “It’s my day and you WILL wear this bridesmaid dress.” “I had to fire my first wedding planner because she wasn’t getting daddy to approve all my wishes.” “Daddy you’re breaking my heart because you know how much I want this. This is supposed to be MY perfect day.” To me it all sounded like these brides were preparing for the biggest, most fun and extravagant event of their lives. How many of us took the time to play the movie forward as to what this marriage would look like in the next 10-15 years….

Posted in: 5 things, Assumptions, Commitment, Communication, companionship, Conflict, Expectations, God' Love, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Kindness, Listening, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Patience, power of words, Understanding each other, wedding day, weddings

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE- “Put Fun Back In your Marriage”

Posted: August 5, 2013

Laughter cuts tension and breaks down barriers. I observed this concept in my own children when they were little. I watched them play, and then fight, and then laugh hilariously about something silly. In the aftermath of that refreshing laughter, they completely forgot they were mad at each other. This concept still applies to us grown-ups. Life can get very serious these days and we desperately need to learn to laugh again. Yes, the butterflies of early romance quickly flutter away, but they can be replaced by something more substantive. In a New York Times article i. entitled Reinventing Date Night for Long-Married Couples, the writer concludes that “Simply spending quality time together is probably not enough to prevent a relationship from getting stale.” We’ve all heard the phrase “familiarity breeds contempt’ and I also believe that none of us want to become that “old boring couple”. I am passionate…

Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Boring marriage, Communication, companionship, Conflict, dopamine, Encouragement, Expectations, Freedom from Busyness, Friendship, fUN, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Laughter, Norepinephrine, Pleasure, Uncategorized, Understanding each other

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – The Digital Invasion

Posted: July 19, 2013

My friend, Dr. Sylvia Frejd has written a book that hits the heartbeat of everyone that carries around a smart phone, i-phone, i-pad or is involved in any digital technology. I consider this well researched book a “must read” for every family because it shows us how our digital obsessions are affecting our relationships. Here is what Sylvia has to say about how our digital world can affect our marriages. 1. How can technology drive a wedge in a marriage? Our digital technology is a barrier and an intimacy destroyer. It connects us with those far away but disconnects us with those sitting in the same room. We are having a lot of connections but not conversations. To have true intimacy in our marriage we need to have face-to-face, heart conversations. The best advice I can give to a couple is to leave their technology out of the bedroom. 2….

Posted in: Balancing life, Communication, companionship, Control, digital obsessions, Expectations, Friendship, Good Marriage, i-phone, Intimacy, intimacy destroyer, Making Wise Choices, pornography, technology, Understanding each other

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