Blog: Control

UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – Sweet Anticipation

Posted: March 9, 2012

There is no greater, delicious, exciting emotion than anticipating some future pleasure. I love to go out to a favorite restaurant with a group of friends and scour the menu with the anticipation of a tantalizing, scrumptious meal. Often times the anticipation is better than the actual result, but that is the crux of sweet anticipation. For the past six months Jack and I have been anticipating our “spring get-away”. Remembering the enjoyment of our past experiences gets us geared up to book flights, buy new golfing clothes, look for books to read as we lay by the pool, and check out new and fun activities. The six months of preparation is the actual daily sweet anticipation of something so delightful.  We all need to anticipate something enjoyable. Without the hope of something pleasurable in the future, we get tired, grumpy, irritated and we lose the zest for everyday life. …

Posted in: Anticipation, Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Freedom from Busyness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Making Wise Choices, Pleasure, Understanding each other, Valued

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – “MESSY LOVE”

Posted: February 11, 2012

The most beautiful love can be expressed right in the middle of our biggest messes. I found that out again last night as I was on my knees unleashing a violent stomach flu. Each time I got out of bed to “unleash” more supper; my husband was at my side holding my forehead and rubbing my back. Every trip out of bed he walked with me, steadied and comforted me. Today I am still in bed (with my computer) but he is out conducting a funeral on one hour’s sleep. That’s love. It’s easy to be in love when the lights are turned down low, candles burning, roses sitting in the middle of the table and Josh Groban or Leonard Cohen crooning love songs in the background. Love comes easy when everything is going our way, everyone is in a good mood and there is enough money in the bank…

Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, messes, Overcoming Struggles, Patience, Respect, Tension, Valued

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – Surviving Sabotaging our Marriage

Posted: February 4, 2012

There are at least 10 ways to kill a marriage without realizing you are doing it. I am a big believer of looking at all the positive, grateful aspects in every relationships; especially marriages. But today I am going to give you a list of DON’TS that will be your guideline to surviving sabotage.  The 10 items I am going to list are aspects of behavior that were modeled for you and you have learned to follow. These were the people who had influence in your life such as our parents, teachers, magazines, TV sitcoms, movies, neighbors, siblings or even misguided bible teaching. But we all have to let go of old belief systems that are simply not working for us. 1.         DON’T: Hide your resentment. Every time you feel hurt, overlooked, rejected or unloved, don’t smile and tuck it away. Each resentment that is not dealt with is like…

Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Patience, Resentment, Respect, Tension, Understanding each other, Valued

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE- “Change the Picture”

Posted: January 14, 2012

When you get together with your girlfriends, what kind of picture do you paint of your husband? I ask this question because the answer to this may determine the type of authority and leadership your husband exercises in your marriage and home.  I am saddened and horrified that I see an escalating movement on television commercials and sitcoms depicting men as stupid, lazy, and dumb. And we wonder why many men are relinquishing their God given authority of leadership in our homes and even churches and workplaces. We wonder why men are withdrawing and finding pleasure not in the marriages and families, but behind their toys, sports programs and recreational activities.   The pictures we paint of our husband will have a unique and powerful effect on the way they respond to us. I realize I have opened a can of worms because this is a catch 22 situation. You, the…

Posted in: Communication, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Patience, Respect, Understanding each other, Valued

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – The “Stop-Start” Walk

Posted: January 6, 2012

This message is not for the faint of heart. But if you are on a quest to radically enrich your marriage and family relationships; proceed with caution and equip yourself with a willing and eager attitude. I am not an advocate of New Year’s resolutions; but I am a big believer in the fact that our life’s journey is enriched when we are willing to embrace that we need to constantly “learn and unlearn”. Here is one guaranteed way to achieve this. Every News Years Day my husband and I go for a long “New Years Walk”. On this sojourn we talk about the previous year; the blessings, joys, celebrations and what worked and what did not work. Then we move on to our hopes, dreams, desires for the coming year. We also discuss practical items; that we need a new dishwasher and we will probably have to replace the…

Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty through Boldness, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Fear, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Freedom, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Kindness, Making Wise Choices, Patience, Resentment, Respect, Tension, Uncategorized, Understanding each other, Valued

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – Climbing the Christmas Hill

Posted: December 18, 2011

A number of years ago I had an insightful, explosive conversation with a group of men that I work with.  It started out as a simple conversation about Christmas preparations. It got more specific as we started to define “what the women do, and the things men do to help out with all the responsibilities.” It got animated and intense as the men got defensive about helping out and then all of a sudden it got real quiet.  One of the men made this statement, “I don’t do Christmas stuff; on Christmas morning I show up!”  I had to breathe and tell myself, “Back up Heidi and walk away…walk away!” Generally speaking, for many women Christmas preparations have become an intense journey of “climbing the Christmas Hill.” It starts somewhere in November (or earlier if you’re more organized than I am) and begins with the climb towards completing all the…

Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Freedom from Busyness, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Patience, Resentment, Respect, Tension, Understanding each other, Valued

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – Manipulation or Influence

Posted: November 13, 2011

Women can be powerful, influential leaders in society; but especially in the home. From the time we were little girls, we have learned some tricks to getting what we want.  We may have heard words like, “Oh my, Susie you are so pretty.” So we learn to use our beauty to entice and meet our needs. Or we may have heard, “You are so smart…athletic…creative…happy…”, and then we may have learned to use these power tools to manipulate people to provide things to make us happy or to feel better about ourselves. Manipulation in a marriage has the potential to be a deadly tool that may end up boomeranging and cause built up resentment and hostility in your marriage and family. Manipulation:I once heard a well known speaker/author-namely Beth Moore, say that “Anything we have to manipulate is rarely ours to keep.” Those words have been seared into my soul…

Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Fear, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Resentment, Respect, Tension, Uncategorized, Understanding each other, Valued

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – Lunch Boxes and Roles

Posted: November 6, 2011

I had a fascinating encounter with one of my colleagues last week. As I walked by his work area I saw him pulling items out of his lunch cooler and describing each item to a customer.  The encounter looked so intriguing that I was curious to see what all the fuss was about. I went up to his counter and say, “So Colin (not his real name), what’s going on here?”  His face lit up and he could hardly wait to show me his lunch. “Look at these barbecued ribs, a salad with homemade dressing on the side and real bacon bits. And look, here are roasted potatoes, a drink, cutlery, salt and pepper and a little dessert.” My mouth hung open and I said, “Wow, you go to a lot of trouble with your lunches.” “Oh no”, he responded, “My wife always packs my lunch. She’s amazing!” Now my…

Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Freedom, Freedom from Busyness, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Patience, Resentment, Respect, Understanding each other, Valued

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE- “I’m not Dancing That Dance Anymore”

Posted: October 22, 2011

If you read my blog on a regular basis, you are familiar with my consistent inspiration to “show respect to your husband.” Yet, there is a yellow caution line that we need to be aware of; and that warning line is about knowing the difference between respect and enabling. This is where the danger lies.  Women are natural nurturers and nurses.  Many women feel it is their responsibility to make sure everyone and everything in life runs according to her inner, visual blueprint of life.  Let me explain the difference: Respect:  The bible tells us in Ephesians 5:33 “…and the wife must see to it that she deeply respects her husband-obeying, praising and honoring him.” We can give people respect when we see and acknowledge their God given characteristics and potential to grow and become more like Christ.  We show them respect so that it will “call out” their inner…

Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Control, Expectations, False Belief Systems, Finding Truth, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Making Wise Choices, Pain Pleasure, Resentment, Respect, Understanding each other, Valued

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UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE –“Fatal Distraction”

Posted: September 5, 2011

  Just in the last week several people have died because they were distracted while driving a motor vehicle.  Recent statistics show that many motor vehicle accidents are no longer due to alcohol; but because the driver is distracted. Some of the distractions listed were, of all things, watching TV, texting, on the phone, reading or just not paying attention. Bottom line; because of a distraction they died.  Our marriages are bombarded with that same game of jeopardy. When we recognize that this little piece of wires and plastic, (our cell phones, iPads or computers) takes precedence over “eyeball to eyeball” conversations, we’re on our way to a marriage wreck.  I have witnessed couples out on a dinner date and the husband (or wife) looking at the top of each other’s heads as they are clicking away on text messages or checking their e-mails or Face book messages. Really, can this…

Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Freedom from Busyness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Overwhelmed and Undervalued, Pain Pleasure, Resentment, Tension, Understanding each other, Valued

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