Blog
Posted: April 6, 2015
I attended a joyful celebration this past weekend, a wedding shower. The evening was electric with laughter, games and anticipation for a glorious marriage. I made a point of sitting with several “older” women who had been married for a long time and I wanted to hear why their marriages had been so successful over the years. Firstly, let me say that we all agreed it was more difficult to maintain a healthy marriage these days because of all the distractions, options, wants and yes…selfishness. But here are some of the things we discussed that helped to maintain the friendship, love and companionship in a marriage. Going into the marriage agreeing: “divorce is simply not an option.” There is no plan “B”, it only plan “A”. (There is a disclaimer for abusive marriages). Letting go of some selfish expectations. For example: One woman told me she had expectations of what…
Posted in: Balancing life, Commitment, Communication, companionship, Differences, Encouragement, Expectations, Friendship, fUN, Good Marriage, Harmony, Laughter, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Understanding each other, Valued, weddings
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Posted: March 3, 2015
There is one interruption that I know would put a huge smile on my face. Imagine this. It’s my birthday coming up and my husband gives me a simple card and an umbrella. Inside the card it says this. “I hear it rains in Paris at this time of the year.” It would take me but a minute to go down into the basement and get my suitcase. Most interruptions are not pleasant and come at inopportune times and have the possibility to wreck our ideal life. I’m not talking about the little annoyances like running out of gas in the middle of winter or spilling coffee all over your new white shirt. I’m talking about interruptions that change the course of our hopes and dreams. For Instance: One of your unemployed children is moving back home. You just discovered that your spouse is addicted to pornography. Your children are…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Commitment, Communication, companionship, Conflict, Encouragement, Finding Truth, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Laughter, Listening, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Peace, pornography, power of words
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Posted: February 13, 2015
How can we bulletproof our marriages in a culture that is too busy to spend intimate time with the people we love? Rick Warren in his best selling book, “What on Earth Am I Here For?” says that the way to spell LOVE is T.I.M.E. I totally agree! Last weekend I had the privilege and JOY to speak to a group of families with young children about taking TIME to re-connect with our spouses and children. Let me share my points: T. TAKE TIME TO LOOK UP AND DIG DOWN It’s time to lay down our technology; look into each other’s eyes and engage in intimate, honest and meaningful conversation. We also need to dig down behind the words and our emotions to find out what the other person is really saying. For example, when a wife says: “Don’t touch me”, it could mean: “You said you would take out…
Posted in: Balancing life, Communication, companionship, Differences, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith, Finding Truth, Freedom, Freedom from Busyness, Friendship, fUN, God' Love, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Kindness, Laughter, Life of Jesus, Listening, love, Making Wise Choices, Pain Pleasure, Patience, Peace, Pleasure, power of words, Resentment, self gratification
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Posted: January 24, 2015
Let’s be honest, most of us are “stuff managers”. We go to work in the morning to make money to buy stuff. Then when we bring it home we have to find a place to put this stuff. When there is no more room, we put our stuff into plastic containers with labels on them and find room in the basement or the garage to store this stuff. Or, we might have to dig through our existing stuff so we can give it away to make room for more stuff. Or, we might have to rent a storage container or locker room to store our stuff. Often times we don’t even know what stuff to use; should we use our golf clubs, kayak, boat, swimming pool, bikes, motor home or just sit at home and linger on the deck? Or should we sit down with our day timers or phones…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Encouragement, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Understanding each other
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Posted: January 4, 2015
Prayer is the most uncomfortable yet powerful topic for marriages. I know it’s uncomfortable because every time I bring it up at any marriage teaching session or marriage mentoring, the room falls silent. Yet prayer is the most powerful source we have in our marriages to create intimacy, receive healing and find hope and peace in our tumultuous lives. What is it that is holding us back from embracing this supernatural FREE power that, reluctantly we know, will save most marriages? When Jack and I got married 18 years ago, we instantly became parents of a large blended family of 5 children and many grandchildren. They all lived away from us and we are smart enough to know that families run into difficulties, stresses, illnesses and they need help. But living so far away from everyone we could not be there to help them. Jack and I made a deliberate…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Expectations, Finding Truth, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pleasure, power of words, Prayer, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
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Posted: December 20, 2014
The world can be a harsh place these days. Take a few minutes to browse the CNN news and I know when you walk away your heart will be wrecked and sad. There is so much anger and hatred in our world, yet I know that we all long for a place of beauty, safety and comfort. Besides the local spa I am not sure how many other places you will find this refuge. So it has to be our marriages and our homes. This last year has been an extremely challenging year in my workplace and grieving the loss of my mother. Not to mention the day to day struggles that all of us encounter. Yet I am so blessed to be able to walk through our door each evening and run into my husband Jack’s arms. He is a safe place of refuge by listening to my rambling,…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, companionship, Encouragement, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Kindness, love, Making Wise Choices, Pleasure, Uncategorized, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: December 5, 2014
I have an addiction. You might say I get obsessed with a compelling story when I am in the middle of reading a great book. I simply can’t put the book down until I have some kind of resolve. I remember when I was nine, my mother would have to keep coming into my bedroom and make me put away my books and turn out the light. As soon as she closed the door, I would again slip under my covers with my flashlight and continue reading my favourite Nancy Drew cliffhangers. A great story keeps us turning the pages, staying up late on a work night and becoming familiar and deeply involved with the captivating characters. That kind of fascinating story keeps us turning the pages until we read, “The End.” Our marriages need a great story. I believe we all got married in the first place to find…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed
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Posted: November 1, 2014
For the month of November my home church, Trinity Baptist in Kelowna, reaches out to the community with intentional acts of kindness. As I was writing an article about the different ways we can show kindness, I scoured my mind for creative and radical ways to show kindness throughout our city. One intentional act of kindness I always do is pay for the person behind me when I go to Wendy’s drive through for their Supreme Taco salad. I love driving away and wondering what the person behind me must be thinking. “Why in the world would that woman in front of me do that? I wonder what she’s up to? I always drive away fast enough so that they never catch up to me or find out. I love the intrigue knowing I have brought delight into someone’s life. This morning was my time to clean out all the…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, companionship, Conflict, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Kindness, Laughter, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, power of words, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
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Posted: October 16, 2014
Ever feel like your husband is holding something back? Well he is. Men aren’t naturally gifted at expressing themselves as women, so they will keep quiet and hold back vulnerable and sensitive subjects. But that perception of being “emotionally distant” or “holding back secrets” can cause marriage difficulties. So what are some of those things? “Do you like this new outfit?” If your husband doesn’t respond right away it’s because his hunter brain needs time to tune in to the finer details. Thousands of years ago he needed to spot animals from a great distance to he isn’t attuned to the finer, up-close and fashionable details. He married you because he thinks you’re beautiful and wants you to wear whatever you like to feel best in. He stays quiet to keep the peace. He might be afraid he say the wrong thing, not respond in the right way…or mess up…
Posted in: Uncategorized
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Posted: September 24, 2014
I saw a newscast video on CNN last week that showed a young boy standing by the side of the road holding a sign that said, “I hit little girls.” The boy’s dad used this cruel masquerade as punishment for bad behavior. When the mom found out what was going on she was rightfully furious. She protested because she knew this would cause her son immense shame for the rest of his life. She also hinted at the fact that the dad was doing to his son that which had been done to him. Shame, if not dealt with, gets passed on. As you are reading this you might suggest shame does not apply to you, but let me assure you that shame is universal. Blaming, gossiping, name calling, bullying are behaviors that have permeated our culture. We all have it in some degree and the greatest antidote to destroying…
Posted in: Communication, Conflict, Control, Differences, Finding Truth, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, intimacy destroyer, Listening, love, power of words, secrets, Tension, Understanding each other
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