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BEAUTY TIP #11-“Don’t be so mean!

Posted: February 8, 2010

I know we all want to be nice so that people will like us.  Sadly, there are days when our feet hit the floor and we can’t wait to rip someone’s head off and let them know, “they made you so mad!” What makes us mean?

I believe that many people are mean because they have been hurt, or use it for power to control people and events.  They feel threatened or are too afraid to stand up for themselves and it makes them angry and resentful. Then they become mean.

Lynne Hybels is the author of Nice Girls Don’t Change the World, and she became mean to herself by bottling up her pain. Lynne was so nice that she tried to become everything to her husband, children, her church and whatever else the world wanted her to be. As a matter of fat, she was so nice that it made it lose her identity, her purpose and it drove her to deep hopelessness and depression. When she stopped to find out who she really was, she became free and a dangerously beautiful spiritual woman.  She became who God created her to be, not who her husband, family, church or world expected her to be. She became bold and courageous, and is changing the world in Africa by helping the Aids orphans.

We have the ability to be mean to others, but even more often, we are mean to ourselves. By being nice out of obligation, and through covering our own pain, feelings and desires; we sabotage our freedom to be who we were created to be.

I believe there is a balance between mean and nice, and that is called “Grace.” That is all about  accepting ourselves for who we are, and accepting God’s grace for all the bad stuff that has happened to us. So what is a person to do?


1. ACKNOWLEDGE and accept our angry, hurtful feelings. As author Rick Warren says, “Revealing our feelings is the beginning of healing.”

2. ROOT to fruit. Agree to look back at the word or events that made you mad, hurt you or threatened you. This is probably the root of your meanness.

3. RELEASE the people or circumstances that have hurt you. Forgive them. No one can be perfect and no one is the Savior of our life other than God. We hurt people and we must forgive and release those who have hurt us.

4. EMBRACE yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others and diminish who God made you to be. When we compare we begin to criticize and compete. That makes us ugly and mean.

5. TRUTH. Go to God’s word  (the Bible) and find the truth about who you really are. The truth is that you are nice, loveable and delightful. Some of the things that have happened to you have made you mad. God can replace and restore all your hurt and wounds and set you free to be nice, loveable and dangerous.

I CHOOSE to be the kind of woman that is nice and beautiful from the inside out; beautifully, spiritually dangerous to do something meaningful and helpful to God’s Kingdom here on earth All of us can if we follow those five simple, outrageously difficult steps.

Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Expectations, Resentment

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